Open your Eyes
by Ms. Belikov
Summary: ALL HUMAN! Sequel to 'A Blessing in Disguise.' Being engaged to the General at St. Augustine's Military Academy is tougher than Rose thought. Old flames and former enemies come back with vengeance. Will it destroy Dimitri and Rose? Or make them stronger?
1. Chapter 1: Growing up is never easy

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

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><p><strong>6 months later…<strong>

"Seriously, Dimitri? Another one?"

"You must keep warm." My fiancé said, layering the third coat on me. Once that was zipped up, he placed me in a blaring orange parka, followed by a multi-colored scarf, leather gloves, a pale-blue beanie, and giant, comfy brown boots.

It felt like I was baking in the oven. "You know what, General?"

"What." Dimitri pulled me to him, one large hand going to my swollen belly.

"I love you, but you're way too overprotective."

Dark brows knitted together in a fierce and determined expression. "I don't take chances. I will keep the both of you safe."

"Ugh. Okay…I have to get away from you. It's too hot in here to cuddle." I stepped back. "And, ohmigod, look how I walk…like a damn penguin!"

Dimitri's smile was a fond one. "You'll be thankful once we get outside, Roza. The temperature is in the low thirties. Now hold on…let me grab my coat and then we'll leave."

"Better hurry up," I muttered, sweating bullets as the duster was snatched off the rack. "Or else our son is going to pop out of my belly looking like a roasted chicken."

His chuckle made the baby move. "Ohmigod! Come here! Come here! He's kicking again."

Dimitri was over in a flash. Crouching at my feet, he pressed his cheek and both hands to the parka.

"Do you feel it?"

His brown eyes were on fire as he tilted his head up and nodded.

"Say something," I said. "Ivan loves the sound of your voice." When we had first found out the baby's sex, we decided immediately that we'd name him in loving memory of Dimitri's best friend. He absolutely loved it, as did I, so it worked out perfectly.

Dimitri hummed in Russian and the baby went wild.

I laughed in a loud burst, running my fingers through his shoulder-length brown hair. "See, I told you…the baby loves the sound of your voice."

He squeezed his eyes shut. "Yes…he does."

Staring down, I patted my fiancés shoulder, feeling the leather of his coat. "Hey, Comrade?"

"Yes."

"After Ivan's born…we should get him a duster, too. A small one, of course…to fit him."

Dimitri laughed and my stomach _thumped._ "So he can be a cowboy just like daddy?"

"Exactly." I nodded. "Just imagine the two of you, looking all badass and stuff. But…god, it's so hot in here. And I think we're going to be late for class."

His lids snapped open and he got to his feet in one graceful and fluid motion. Glancing at the black watch on his left wrist, he nodded. "You're right."

When he ran into the kitchen, I whined in protest.

That was until…

Dimitri came back with a Tootsie pop. "Orange flavor. Your favorite."

I smiled as he unwrapped the candy and gently stuck it in my awaiting mouth. "Thanks." I murmured around the sweetness, sucking and licking. "Hey babe…does this turn you on?"

His lips lifted into a sly smile. "Yes, a little bit." Pressing a hand to the small of my back, he directed me to the door where I waddled outside.

"How about this?" I made a dramatic show of sticking the lollipop far into my mouth, down my throat. The look on his face made me grin. "I bet it works out in your favor that I have no gag reflex, huh?"

"Rozzzza," Dimitri growled, locking the door to our new three bedroom apartment. "What you are doing now is not fair, and you know it. Class started five minutes ago. Let's go before I do something extremely uncivilized to you…right on the sidewalk."

"Hmm. I kind of like that idea. I bet we could teach the students a damn good lesson in the ol' bump and grind—oh hey, Jill."

Her green eyes were wide. "Oh, hi! Hi General Belikov and Ms. Hathaway! I…uh…I was just on my way to find you. My fellow cadets and I were worried that something had happened…but uh—"

"Everything's fine, Jill." Dimitri cut her off gently. Thank god…the girl was a nervous wreck. But she was also really sweet and I kind of liked her. "Get back to the field. My fiancé is pregnant, as you can see, and I will not rush her. Tell the cadets to wait and be patient."

Jill, too chocked up to form any words, nodded her head like crazy and tore off.

"You should really be nice to her, you know." I laced our fingers together and rested my head on his shoulder as we walked through the snow. Dimitri was right…I was grateful I was so wrapped up in warmth because it was freezing outside. So cold that our breaths made small bursts of fog in the air.

"I'm the General. My job isn't to be nice and coddle my students. It's to teach them respect and discipline." Oh, boy. General Belikov was raising his hard-ass head again. He always did when he was on the job.

To be truthfully honest, I hated it…but it was also the biggest turn on. Him in his military uniform, all that male power and aggressiveness. God, I especially loved it when he brought it home…in bed…

"You said that same thing to me when I was your student. Didn't you?"

"I did."

"Like a billion times." I giggled.

"Anything to get it through that thick skull of yours."

"Butthead—whoa!" My body jerked forward as I slipped on a sheet of ice.

Shit. The cement was going to hurt like hell. I curled into myself, protecting my belly—

Dimitri hooked his arms around my waist and hauled me back onto my feet, just in time…who knows what would have happened had I actually fell.

"Are you okay?" He spun me around, gripping my shoulders.

Slowly, I nodded. "Yeah."

He exhaled in relief, creating a stream of fog in the air. "Goddamn it, Rose. You have to be more careful! You nearly gave me a heart attack. Come here. That's not happening again." With trembling hands, he grabbed his cell and punched in a number.

After quickly demanding maintenance to put more salt on the sidewalks, Dimitri scooped me into his arms and went to the field, where all the cadets were waiting in uniform.

With a tender kiss to my lips, he set me down on the grass and draped a heavy arm around my waist, pulling me into his side. I felt the weight of their shocked eyes on me and blushed. No matter how open Dimitri and I were with our relationship, they still weren't used to the General and PDA.

"What are you all looking at?" he barked. "Get into formation!"

The cadets quickly did—forming six, single filed lines.

I nodded my head. "Y'all are good. Impressive."

"They haven't done anything yet. Do not reward them with your respect and admiration."

As I glowered at my fiancé, he marched over and leaned down to whisper in my ear, "Don't be angry. It's all for show, baby. I have to pretend that I'm tough."

"You are."

He pulled back from me, slipping on his General mask, but I could see the smile in those brown eyes. "You are so kind."

As he walked away, I couldn't help myself. "Nice ass, babe!" I whistled.

The look Dimitri shot me as the cadets coughed awkwardly had me clutching my basketball belly, roaring with laughter.

My day wasn't complete unless I really shook my fiancé up and made him want to pull that beautiful hair of his out.

* * *

><p>"No. You're not doing it right." I walked over to a male cadet with blue eyes and blond hair, that real surfer type with too much vitamin D. His pushups were awful. "Your body is not going down close enough to the ground, you look like a girl. Not to mention that butt of yours. Too high."<p>

Bringing one leg up, I pressed down on his back, correcting him. The male cadet collapsed against the mud with a loud _thud. _

"Back off."

"Excuse me?" As I stared at his cruel face, I was reminded that St. Augustine's Military Academy was a school for troubled teens. That made me wonder what had gotten this kid thrown in here.

_Shit…_

He shrugged me off and stood up, getting to his feet. I tried to keep the alarm and panic out of my chest when I realized that he had a solid five inches on me and at least seventy pounds.

Something about this teenager didn't sit right with me. Something was _off _with him…I wasn't sure how I knew that, I just did.

For a split second, my eyes flickered over and searched for Dimitri. I wanted to curse when I spotted him on the other side of the field, supervising a few cadets while they did their sit-ups.

"Scared, female?" Blondie asked. "Look at me. I told you to back the fuck off."

Without a conscious thought on my part, my hands went to my stomach and I eased back a few steps. "That's no way to speak to your hierarchies'." I tried not to show him how scared I was. Sure I could throw a decent punch and hold my own, but I was five and a half months pregnant for Christ's sake. I wasn't about to risk my son's life to prove how tough I was.

"Did I frighten you?" The male cadet's laugh was like snakes slithering all over my skin. I hated it.

"You need to take a step back." I said, glancing at Dimitri who was jogging out in the field with a group of cadets. He had gotten closer to me…but he was still so far away. Too far away.

"Don't even think about calling him. Or screaming." He growled, as if sensing my thoughts.

"Listen here, Blondie. You need to get the fuck away from me before I get your ass in serious trouble."

"Is that a threat?"

"If you listen to what I tell you, then no."

"I don't like people tellin' me what to do. Especially women." He took another step towards me. "My mother used to always order me around, and after I did what she said, she'd beat me until I was bruised and bloody."

"Listen, I don't want to hear your sob story. Just get back to doing your push ups. And make sure they're in correct form—"

"I told you not to talk to me like that." The male cadet lunged at me.

I screamed as we collided and fell, my head slammed against the ground and I saw white spots.

Suddenly the heavy weight that had been pressed on top of me, crushing my stomach until I cried out again, was gone in a flash.

Dazedly, I peeled open my eyes and looked up.

Dimitri was there and so was Blondie. Dimitri was holding the younger male by the back of the neck…and Dimitri was smiling. It wasn't that good kind of smile, that I'm-so-happy smile. It was that smile serial killers gave to their victim's right before they cut them up and wore their skin as a suit.

"Baby…" I croaked, sitting up and wincing as a sharp pain stabbed my skull. "Don't be mad at him…he, he…he didn't mean it." God, was the ground supposed to move like that? And what about the cadets…were they supposed to be spinning? I didn't think that was a good sign…

"You hurt my wife and child." Dimitri's voice didn't sound anything like him and it frightened me. The sound was all distorted with growls and hisses and snarls and malice. "Look at her and tell her you're sorry."

When Blondie didn't do anything in response, Dimitri ripped on some of that blond hair, jerking the cadet's head until it slammed against his back at an unnatural angel. As Blondie howled in pain, Dimitri growled, "Apologize to her. Now."

Frantic blue eyes met mine. "I-I-I…I'm sorry."

Dimitri yanked on his hair again. "Address her appropriately and show her your full respect."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Hathaway. I'm…I'm so sorry for hurting you. I-I-I…I promise I'll never do it again."

"Baby, let him go…you're scaring the other cadets. He said he's sorry. I forgive him."

Dimitri glanced down at me and his eyes softened, positively melted. With one last jerk of Blondie's hair, he threw the teenager to the ground. "You are the luckiest person on the planet right now, Mathew. If my wife wasn't here, there's no telling what I would do." he paused. "But so help me God, if you ever lay one of your goddamn fifthly fingers on her again…yeah, I'm not even going to finish that sentence. I'll leave it to your imagination. Understand?"

The wet spot between Blondie's legs proved just how much he understood. Nodding crazily, he scrambled to his feet and went to join the other cadets.

Dimitri was shaking so badly when I walked over to him. "Baby? Baby? Are you okay? Everything is fine. I'm okay—"

My mouth stopped working when he turned his haunted eyes to me. "Thank God you were here right now, Roza…or else I am positive I would have broken every single bone in his body and enjoyed it."

"Don't talk like that," I pressed my hand to his cheek. He leaned into palm, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm okay. Ivan is okay. Everything is fine."

Dimitri's eyes flew open. "I'm taking you to the clinic. Right now."

I was about to protest when the look he gave me cut off my words. Lowering my head, I spoke in a defeated tone, "Fine. I'll go."

Grabbing that black radio out of his camo pants, Dimitri reached Alberta and told her that she needed to take over class on the field ASAP. Once she was there, my fiancé pulled me to his side, put one of my arms over his shoulder, and held me off the ground by my waist, supporting my weight.

"I really hate doctors, you know."

He didn't say anything as he opened the doors to the clinic, went right past the receptionist's desk, and straight into the doctor's office. "My wife needs medical assistance. Now."

Dr. Olendzki's head snapped up from her pile of papers, she looked at us with wide eyes behind her glasses. "Take her to room eleven."

Dimitri practically zoomed like Superman through the small clinic, barged into the room, and gently placed me on the bed.

The doctor came in a moment later, slightly breathless as she brushed a strand of dark hair out of her face. I nearly laughed at the fact that my fiancé had the doctor panicked and running all over the clinic in heels.

He was quick to tell her everything that had happened to me out on the field.

Dr. Olendzki asked me a few standard questions as she took my blood pressure and checked my ears, throat, and eyes with an annoying light.

"She has a severe concussion," She said, clicking off the light. "I'd like to run a CT scan to make sure that there is no bleeding in the brain. And also a quick ultrasound to make sure the baby was unharmed in the fall."

Dimitri's General mask was on, but I could see the emotions swirling in his eyes—panic, concern, dread, horror... "Do whatever you need. Just make sure that she's safe and healthy."

While the doctor went off to get the ultrasound machine, I grabbed Dimitri's hand and tried to calm him down. "It's alright, baby. It's just a couple of tests." Pulling his face down to mine, I kissed his lips softly and thoroughly.

When he pulled back, his head was down and his eyes were shut. "Did you not hear her? You have a severe concussion, Roza. A concussion. Oh, god…if anything were to happen to you or the baby I don't what I'd do—"

I smacked his cheek lightly, a few times. "Get hold of yourself, Dimitri! I'm the woman here, the one that's supposed to be freaking out. Not you. So pull it together and be strong for me and the baby."

He cleared his throat and nodded. "You're right."

"Aren't I always?" I smiled cheekily.

Dr. Olendzki rolled the ultrasound machine into the room. Dimitri rolled up my shirt, exposing the swollen belly underneath.

He rubbed my stomach lovingly before placing a kiss to my skin and letting the doctor get to work.

"Alright, Rosemarie. This will be a little cold."

"Yeah. I already know the drill." I held my breath and flinched as she squirted some blue gel on my skin.

"Alright," She took the wand thingy and smoothed it all over my stomach, searching for the baby. "There he is."

Dimitri squeezed my hand as we heard Ivan's heartbeat. "There's his head." She pointed to a spot on the black and white screen. "And his arms and legs and feet."

I giggled, having a silly urge to burst into tears. There was nothing in the world like hearing his heartbeat and seeing him move around in my tummy. After all the pain and heartache I'd been through in my life, seeing him on that little screen, so peaceful and safe in my womb, brought me such joy and happiness. I'd do anything to protect my son, even though I had yet to meet him.

He was a part of me and Dimitri…and I loved him so much already it ached. I couldn't imagine what it would be like after I gave birth.

"And that's his wiener right?" I pointed.

The doctor's nostrils flared slightly. "Yes, ah, that is his penis."

"He's big," I noted, turning to Dimitri. "Takes after his daddy."

I giggled like crazy when he shook his head and smiled. "You say the nicest things," He growled in my ear and placed a kiss to my forehead.

"How is my son?" He asked Dr. Olendzki.

"He was shaken up a bit in the fall, but besides that, he's completely fine and developing at a healthy rate. Actually…he's a little big for his age. But that's nothing to be alarmed about. It just means he's got a big appetite."

"Takes after his mommy," Dimitri smiled breathtakingly. "He loves food."

Once the CT scan was done, the doctor sent us home after telling me to take it easy, meaning no work or exercise. I was told that I would be fine and the concussion would heal eventually. Dimitri promised her that he would bring me back immediately if anything alarming occurred.

And we were on our way.

"Hey, Comrade?"

"Yes." We walked on the grass because Dimitri claimed that the sidewalks were too "dangerous and slippery"…even though they were recently covered in salt.

How long did I have before I have before I gave birth? Three and a half months…

God, I hoped I could survive this pregnancy prison…especially since Dimitri was the warden. I loved the man, but damn, he was overprotective and controlling.

"Can we stop by the cafeteria and grab some ice cream? I'm really craving some chocolate right now."

He nodded and led the way.

* * *

><p>"Ohmigod, that was <em>so<em> good." Lissa murmured, licking the last of the ice cream off her fingers.

"Agreed." I rubbed my full belly appreciatively. My best mimicked the movement, and at seven months pregnant herself, we looked liked two Buddha's.

"Where's the washcloths?" Christian asked.

"Bathroom. Under the sink." Dimitri said, sitting down beside me on the couch, carefully handing over a steaming mug of hot cocoa.

"Two packets?" I asked.

"Always." He gave me a kiss.

I parted his long legs and scooted between his thighs, settling my back against his hard chest. Absentmindedly, he ran his fingers through my hair and it was pure heaven.

"Found it!" Christian strolled out of the bathroom holding a wet washcloth. "God, look how messy you are, babe."

I smiled as I watched Christian clean Lissa up. He was so gentle and careful when handling her, as if she was made out of glass. She sat there patiently while he rubbed the edges of her mouth and cheek with the washcloth, then scrubbed her sticky fingers clean.

"Man, you are whipped." Adrian walked into our living room with that same carelessness and confidence he always did. Sydney was hot on his trail, holding his hand. I gave the girl props—any woman who could handle a loose cannon like Adrian was a hero in my book.

"Be careful. Watch were you sit, man! You're on my girls' hand." Christian pushed Adrian off the couch and sat by Lissa, inspecting her for damage.

Sydney laughed as she helped her boyfriend off the floor and called him a silly name. He simply stuck his tongue out, scooped her into his arms, and plopped down on the ground with her in his lap.

"Christian! I'm fine. Stop worrying, will ya?" Lissa ripped her arm away from him.

Dimitri and I laughed when he made an incredulous face at her.

"Great, just great. Look at your shirt…it's got a big chocolate stain on it."

Lissa glanced down at her lime-green turtle neck. There it was. Right on her bulging stomach. A big brown spot.

"You're luck you're pregnant, Liss," I said. "Because if you weren't, that chocolate would have landed on the carpet and been a bitch to get out. You would have had to deal with Dimitri…you know how much of a freak he is when it comes to keeping the carpets clean."

I looked back at my fiancé just as he rolled his eyes.

"My god. I know! Christian is too!" Lissa said. "Just the other day…I spilled some Kool-Aid on the carpet and he had a cow. For hours, he just scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed."

Christian turned his ice-blue eyes to us. "It was _red_ Kool-Aid."

I took a sip of my mug. "Sounds terrifying."

"It was. That shit never came out. It's still there…right in the middle of the dining room floor…staring at me every time I walk by…mocking me."

There was a moment of awkward silence as Christian stood there with haunted eyes, deep in thought.

Sydney smiled and hopped up. "Well, how about those sandwiches?"

Lissa and I made our little sounds of approval, despite the fact that we'd just finished off a whole box of fudgesicles Ah, nothing like two hungry pregnant woman in the same room.

"Yes. But first Lissa has to change her dirty shirt." Christian pulled a fresh, pale-pink turtle neck out his backpack and held it up.

My best friend groaned. "Ughhhhhh."

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><p>"Baby, does this make me look like a fatty?" I twirled around the mirror in my new red silk nightgown Dimitri had bought me.<p>

My fiancé was lying on our bed, watching some Old West movie. His dark eyes flickered to mine, and then traveled the length of my body, taking in my feet, legs, swollen stomach, chest…

Yeah, they lingered there for a moment. And I was happy that my breasts had gone up two whole cups.

"You are beautiful," He pronounced each syllable with meaning, his accent growing stronger and deeper as desire took him. "That color makes me want to ravish you."

I winked and smiled. "You can ravish me all night long."

"Not tonight," He said sternly.

"Why not?"

"Because you have a concussion."

"Then don't bang me around too much…no rough sex."

"Absolutely not. No matter how much I want you right now, I am not taking that chance." Dimitri patted the spot beside him. "Come here. Now. Let me hold you in my arms."

"Fine," I climbed into bed. "Just know that I'm not happy."

"Really? You're not? I couldn't tell." Dimitri said dryly, fluffing the pillows and covering my body with the duvet.

I shouted something at him in Russian. It was one of his favorite things to say when he was frustrated with me.

His eyes went wide. "Do you know what that means?"

"No."

"Good. Let's keep it that way." Dimitri leaned over and grabbed a children's book off the nightstand. It was written in Russian and I couldn't understand a thing…but I loved listening to Dimitri's deep voice as he read to our child.

Slipping a hand under my nightgown and onto my stomach, he flipped open the first page. "Good night, Roza. I love you."

"Love you, too." I snuggled into his warm chest as he started reading Ivan and I to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2: If you could only see

**A/N: **WOW! That is all I can say. I'm speechless. Thank you all so much!

Just so all you know, even though Dimitri calls Rose his wife, they aren't married yet, only engaged.

***Warning: Chapter rated M for a lemony scene in the kitchen** *

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p>Robert Doru pulled his black Dodge truck up to Tarasov and waited, blending in with the rest of the vehicles in the parking lot. The last thing he needed right now was to stand out.<p>

Today they would be transferring Natasha Ozera to a maximum security prison up east about four hours away.

And today was the last chance he had, so he was going to make sure it count.

As he waited, he stared at the brick walls with barbwire on them and the men with rifles in the watchtowers.

When the black and white police car pulled up, Robert sat up straight, fully alert.

The gates beeped open. Gripping the Beretta 92 in his hand, he watched Natasha. The woman was handcuffed, two guards at her sides as they walk past the gates and towards the car.

This was it.

_Now or never baby_, he thought.

As the guards neared the car, Robert jumped out of his truck with the gun leveled up and rushed all three of them.

Natasha screamed and the guards automatically went for their weapons.

_Got you,_ he thought. Robert pointed the gun at each of their chests and fired.

_Pop, pop. _

As they fell to the ground bleeding, he yelled at the woman to get in the Dodge truck.

Although she had no clue who the man was or why he was there, she realized this was her only chance at freedom and scrambled to get into the passenger seat.

"Who are you?" Natasha was breathing heavily as Robert punched the gas.

The alarms sounded around them, piercing his ears, making him flinch. He slammed the petal all the way to the ground as he heard gun shots. The guards were shooting at the Dodge trucks tires and windows, trying to slow them down…or kill them. Either way worked.

"No time to explain," Robert shouted. "I need your help with something."

Ice-blue eyes met his with a look of wonder and worship. "Anything."

* * *

><p><strong>DPOV: <strong>

"Lucy, I'm home!"

The sound of her voice made my chest swell. "I'm in the kitchen, baby." I called out.

I heard the scratching of her boots against the tile. The sound of her dragging her feet across the ground used to irritate me, but now it made me smile, I loved how familiar it was, that one sound belonged to her.

Roza came into the kitchen, dressed in a lavender turtle neck, an old pair of faded jeans with holes in the knees, and big white boots. The emerald necklace I gave her gleamed gold in the overhead light.

She looked perfect. To me, she was all beauty and love.

"Hi." She smiled, walking over for my kiss. "What are you cooking for dinner?"

I slipped my hands under her shirt and held the swollen belly underneath. "Roast beef and potatoes with vegetables."

"Mmmm. I like the sound of that," Roza smiled. "And what about dessert?"

"Chocolate mousse with raspberry sauce,"

"Double yum."

I nuzzled her hair, inhaling the scent of vanilla cookies. Then kissed both sides of her neck before meeting those toffee-brown eyes again. "How was shopping with Lissa?"

"Good. I slipped and hit my head again, but that's fine—"

"What?" I growled.

"Kidding, Comrade." Rose broke out in a fit of giggles, bending over and pointing at me. "Oh, my God. That was _soooo_ worth it. You should have seen your face!"

I crossed my arms and watched her ride out the waves of hysterical laughter. I wanted to stay angry at her; I really did, but with her face glowing with happiness and that luminous smile…

It was impossible.

To hide my grin, I turned back to the stove and opened the oven, checking on the meat. It still needed a good thirty minutes before it was fully cooked and ready.

There was a weight against my back as she snuggled into me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Aww General, you're not mad at your pregnant honey, are you?" Her voice was soft, perfectly innocent, yet condescendingly devilish at the same time. The. Biggest. Turn. On. Ever. "Because I think I can make it up to you…"

I sucked in a ragged breath as I felt her hand go between my thighs from behind. Then she grasped me and started this wonderful friction by rubbing up and down, side to side. Even through the layers of fabric of my briefs and jeans, her touch was incredible, making me shiver and grit my teeth.

"Roza...stop." I growled, turning around. Bad idea. It gave her better access to my groin area. My body came alive, aching and urging me to rid my pants and take my wife good and hard, right there, in the middle of the kitchen floor.

"You don't want me to stop, do you? You like this." Roza gazed up at me under thick lashes.

"Don't start something you can't finish." My voice was rougher than sandpaper.

"I never start something I can't finish." She licked her lips. "Plus…you just challenged me. And you know how much I love a challenge, General."

Slender, elegant hands unbuttoned my jeans. Tooth by tooth, my zipper hissed until it was undone completely. My arousal sprang free.

Roza never broke eye contact with me and that alone nearly made me release. My blood pumped heavy in my veins and my body was painfully throbbing as she wrapped a hand around me.

I hissed and kicked my head back, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment. With hooded eyes and veins straining, I watched her work. There was no way I could miss this.

"Do you like that?" Roza bit her lip, eyes starving like a tigers.

"Faster," I panted.

"I make the rules here. Not you." She kept the pace and rhythm exhilarating, alternating between blurring fast and agonizingly slow, one hand or both.

It was pure torture.

And I craved every moment of it, especially as her nails scratched my sensitive skin. The perfect combination of pain and pleasure.

Moments later, I shattered apart in ecstasy. Magnolia-white jets shot and fired, landing all over my lower stomach and her belly and hands.

My skin was covered in a fresh layer of sweat when I collapsed, dropping my face into the crook of her neck. "Sorry." I breathed heavily.

"Don't be. Your pleasure is my own." I could hear the smile in her voice as she wrapped her arms around me, holding me until I was able to regain my composure.

When I pulled back, my wife was beaming at me. "God, you are amazing." I kissed her hard before fixing my pants, taking off her shirt, getting her a fresh one, and washing both of our hands in the sink with hot water and soap.

By the time I was done cleaning up, the timer on the oven went off. I pulled the tray out with two rags and set it on top of the stove, allowing it to cool off.

"Mmmm. Smells delicious." Roza's tummy growled. We both laughed.

I dragged a chair out of the dining table. "Sit." I said.

She did.

Crouching at her feet, I rolled her shirt up and tucked it underneath the two heavy swells. "Beautiful. So beautiful." I murmured. And I meant it. Roza's skin radiated, her breasts were so full they overflowed my hands, and she'd gained about fifteen pounds, all in the right places, making her perfectly plump.

And her belly…it was striking. Our son was in her womb, growing inside of her. That thought made chills run up my spine.

It also made me want to kill anyone that came near her.

But that was all part of becoming a new father. Right? It wasn't something I could control. My instincts and need to protect her screamed at me constantly. She called me overprotective, but I liked to look at it as being extra careful. It was always better to be safe than sorry.

I grabbed the jar of cocoa butter, scooped some into my palms, and rubbed the lotion into her skin.

"Do you think they're getting worse?" Panic flooded into Rose's face.

I continued to smooth my hands over her stomach, covering every perfect inch of skin. "What?"

"The stretch marks!"

"No." To me, they were beautiful. A reminder of Ivan. They didn't bother me in the slightest. Of course, convincing Roza of that was a whole other story.

"Look! There's one, two, three, four!" She pointed to each little red scratch on her belly. "Oh, God! I'm fat as a cow!"

"You're not overweight, Roza. The doctor said it was important to gain some weight during your pregnancy."

"Some weight, Dimitri. _Some_ weight. Not a million frickin pounds!" She bit her nails. "That's it. I'm done being fat. I ain't eating a thing tonight."

"Oh, really?" I smiled as I stood up and grabbed two plates out of the cupboard. "Is that so."

"You bet your sweet ass that's so." Roza crossed her arms, resuming a determined expression. "I'm not breaking. No food for me. Ever. At least not until I loose some weight."

"Hmm." The silverware drawer shook as I grabbed two forks and knifes, then slammed it shut.

"Are you mocking me?"

"No." I sliced a few pieces of roast beef, set them on the plates.

"I don't like the tone of your voice."

"I am deeply sorry for offending you." Using a wooden spoon, I scooped some potatoes and carrots onto the roast beef, poured some broth over them

I took both of the plates to the table; set one down in front of my wife, and the other across from her, taking that empty seat.

She watched me as I cut into the roast beef and took a bite. Just for show, I moaned and closed my eyes.

Her gaze narrowed and her mouth tightened. "It's not working."

"It's not?" I cocked an eyebrow as I heard the growl of a stomach. "Someone's hungry. And it isn't me because I'm eating."

I bit into the carrots and potato—

"Jesus Christ that looks delicious!" Roza grabbed a fork and dug in to her plate like a starved animal.

I smiled, loving watching her eat.

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV: <strong>

"Look at what I picked up at the store." Lissa held up two tiny onesies. The pink one read: _Mommy's little girl_ and the purple one read: _Daddy's little girl_.

I grabbed the pink one out of her hand. "Get rid of this one, keep that one, and I'll be happy."

She crossed her arms and glared at me.

I smiled, putting a lot of sugar in to it. "Kidding. I love both of them, babe. Little Rose will love it, too."

We'd named our daughter after Lissa's best friend. The girl was a loose cannon and a pain in the ass most of the time, but I admired her…and maybe loved her, a little. Just a little. Rose had gained my entire respect after sacrificing her own life to save my fiancé. If it wasn't for her, I was sure that Lissa wouldn't be here with me today, and neither would my daughter.

It was an honor to name my daughter after Rose. An absolute honor.

"Yeah, she will." Those jade-green eyes gleamed, cheeks flushed with crimson. No matter how many hours or days or years I spent with Lissa, her beauty wasn't something you got used to. Especially in her pregnancy state. With her long sunshine hair, creamy skin, raspberry lips, lean body with small but perfect breasts, and that swelled stomach…she was an angel. My angel.

"Ugh." Lissa suddenly groaned.

"What is it?" I torpedoed off the bed. "Your water break? Is the baby coming? Okay, don't panic. The last thing you want to do is panic! Do like the doctor said, remember your breathing exercises, in out, in out, in out, in out. Through the nose. Are you contracting? How far apart—"

"Christian!" Lissa's face was amused. "Nothing's wrong. My feet hurt from walking today, that's all. Relax."

"Oh." I took a moment to relax and control my breathing before getting the bottle of Lissa's jasmine lotion in the bathroom. I sat on the bed on propped her feet in my lap.

"You're perfect, you know that?" Her tone was soft and fond. "Even though you drive me up the wall sometimes, I wouldn't change a single thing about you."

I took off her boots, then her socks. "Funny. I feel the same way about you."

She scooted forward awkwardly and gave me a quick kiss before leaning back and resting on her palms again.

I squirted some lotion into my palms and started rubbing her feet, paying special attention to the heel and the center of her sole because I knew that's where she was aching most.

Lissa closed her eyes and groaned a little. "God…that feels so good…"

"I could massage you for hours," I smiled, separating and circling each one of her painted cherry-red toes. "You have the most beautiful feet."

She kept her eyes shut but one corner of her lips lifted into a smirk. "Got a fetish, Christian?"

"With your feet? Absolutely. Can't get enough of them."

Lissa giggled. God, I loved making her laugh.

As I continued to relax her, I thought of Tasha. The only family I had left. Bile rose in my throat. It was painful to admit, but a part of me still loved her, and always would love her. But that tiny spec of love was overshadowed by something so much more powerful…hate. I absolutely hated her.

My girlfriend, the observer, noticed my change in mood. Of course she did. I didn't expect anything less. I just wished I had better control over my emotions. It made me physically sick to upset her.

Hell, the mere thought made my stomach roll like I was in the early stages of food poisoning.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

I shook my head and kissed her cheek. "Nothing you need to worry about."

"The hell it's not! Don't shut me out."

Oscar purred and jumped on the bed, all orange fur, wide green eyes, and pudgy stomach. The cat needed to lay off the late night eating and it wasn't helping that Lissa couldn't resist his chubby cuteness and gave him treats all the time. Sure the fella had lost all traces of kitten in him, but I had to admit…he was still damn cute. And a part of the family.

He rubbed his head against Lissa's arm, as if he sensed her distress and was trying to calm her.

"See…Oscar doesn't like seeing you upset. Don't get all worked up about nothing." I forced a smile. "I was just thinking about Tasha, that's all."

Her angelic face melted into softness. "Do you want to talk about it?"

My fingers were light as a feather on her swelling stomach. "Not now."

"Okay," She pulled her feet away from me and scooted close. I welcomed her with arms wide open. "If you need to talk…you know I'm always here. For you. You don't have to keep things inside. I know you hurt."

"I don't hurt-"

"She is your only family left, Christian. I may not be the smartest person in the world but I'm not stupid either-"

"The only reason it hurts inside of me is because I didn't kill her when I had the chance." She gasped at my words, but I continued on. "For what Tasha did to you, she could die a thousand painful deaths and it still wouldn't be enough. But at least I would feel better than I do now had I grabbed that knife and shoved it through her chest."

I heard her soft sob and wanted to bite my own damn head off. "Look babe, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"

She faced me with glossy eyes, a bit of smudged mascara under her lashes. "You need to stop blaming yourself!" Lissa growled. "It wasn't your fault. Damn it. Quit tearing yourself apart about it. Even if you were there, you wouldn't have been able to do anything. Get. Over. It."

"I can't just get over it, Liss. It's not that easy."

"And why the hell not? I did." She yanked herself away from me and stood up. "Last time I checked, Christian, I was the one on that operating table get sliced up like a piece of meat. Not you! You weren't the one being tortured by someone you love!"

"Lissa, listen-"

"No! Don't _Lissa_ me!" She headed for the door and I jumped up. "No stay where you are. Don't touch me." She ripped her arm back.

"What are you doing?" I growled.

Lissa angrily wiped away fallen tears. "Leaving."

"Why?"

"'Cause I have to get away from you right now. You're opening up all these wounds and memories from the past that _really _hurt. And, and, frankly…I can't stand to look at your face right now."

My heart broke as I stared at my broken and vulnerable pregnant girlfriend. I would have given anything to hold her. Shit. What had I done? I hurt her…badly. I hated myself in that moment.

"How long will you be gone?" My voice was shot. Rougher than gravel from emotions. I cleared my throat and repeated myself, though it didn't help very much.

"For however long it takes you to forgive yourself…and to get rid of that god awful guilt. Right now, the last thing I need is to relive the past, Christian. I was just finally starting to heal and get over it and be happy-" She stopped short as she cried out in pain and gripped her stomach.

I ran to her and dropped to my knees. "What is it? Is the baby coming?"

"Get away from me," Lissa said through her teeth, a layer of sweat covering her forehead. "It was just a contraction."

Although it was like a knife to my gut, I stood up and stepped back, giving her the space she needed. We were only standing a few feet apart, but it felt like a million miles. That's how distant our relationship had become in just minutes.

Once she caught her breath, she opened the door and stood in the hallway.

"Where will you go?"

Lissa glanced over her shoulder at me. "I don't know. I'll figure something out. Rose'll probably let me stay at her place."

I nodded, gripping the edges of the oak door so tightly to keep from snatching my woman up, hauling her ass back into our apartment, and locking her in so that I could keep her safe.

Instead, I took a deep breath and nodded. "So I guess I'll see you around?"

"Probably not."

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't want to hear it." Lissa started walking down the hallway.

"I love you!"

She didn't say anything back, just kept going. I stood there watching her until the doors to the outside swung open and she disappeared.

* * *

><p><strong>RPOV:<strong>

_Ding dong. _

My head snapped up in surprise. "We expecting anyone?" I chewed on my last piece of Roast beef.

"Not that I know of." Dimitri wiped his mouth with a napkin, slid out of his chair, and headed for the front door.

I heard the hiss of the oak being pulled open, then, "Hey there's my boy! How are you?" I swallowed hard as the blood drained from my face.

_Oh, god. No. Please don't let it be them. _

Turning around, I found three heads. The tallest one belonging to Dimitri…and then another male head with a mass of dark brown hair. The other head was much lower than the others, a female…with flaming red hair.

My mother and father, Janine and Abe, had decided to come for a surprise visit. Yippee!

"Hello, General Belikov." My mother shook his hand. Always so uptight.

"Please, call me Dimitri." My fiancé smiled, but I could tell it was slightly forced. He was as surprised by their appearance as I was.

Last time we had seen them…well, things hadn't gone so well. After we'd traveled to my home which was located about two hours from St. Augustine's, we'd told my mother and father the news of my pregnancy. My mother was stunned into silence and couldn't seem to snap out of her shock.

As for my father, well…put it this way: I would never leave him and Dimitri alone in the same room.

Looking at Abe's handsome, grinning face now, I'd say that maybe he'd thought about the situation and had a change of heart. Maybe.

"There's my daughter," Abe's Turkish accent was thick as hell. "How are you, Kiz?"

It took me a moment to pick my jaw off the floor and put it back on my face. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"That's no way to greet your dad, now is it?"

"Oh, my mistake." I said. "What the hell are you doing here, _dad?_"

Abe smiled and gave me a hug. "It's so good to see you—whoa. That's a big belly you got there. You smuggling a beach ball under that shirt, Kiz?"

I actually laughed a little. That was until a short, redheaded woman with a stubborn face came into my line of sight.

"Hey, ma." I pulled back from my father. As we stared each other down, there was a moment of awkward silence.

"Rose." she nodded.

"What? No hug? Frankly, I'm not surprised."

Her narrowed gaze practically burned my face as she crossed her arms.

I mimicked the movement.

_Ahem._ Someone cleared their throat. "Well, it's so good to see you—"

"Don't brown nose them, Dimitri. It was rude of them to just pop in unexpectedly and they know it."

"Come on, Kiz. Relax." Abe patted my shoulder. "Give your mother a hug. She hasn't seen you in months!"

Very reluctantly and slowly, I inched towards her and wrapped my arms around her stiff body. I grimaced; it was like cuddling up to a rattle snake. Not something that you felt comfortable with nor wanted to do very often.

My mother relaxed a little in my embrace, then to my utter shock, she laid her head against my shoulder. "I missed you, daughter."

Everything inside me was so stunned that my mouth didn't work. I couldn't seem to get any words out, like someone had stitched my lips together.

A moment later, I felt wetness on my skin and realized that Janine was crying. My mother, the emotionless, cold, neglectful woman, was crying.

I had the urge to look up and see if pigs were flying.

My hand reached up on its own accord and smoothed over some of that soft, red hair.

Janine pulled back, her face was blotchy, nose red, eyes swollen. She quickly rubbed the tears from her cheeks, as if she was embarrassed. "I am sorry. That was uncalled for. I didn't mean to make any of you uncomfortable with my…break down. I, uh, I apologize."

"Don't be sorry." I said, my hands going to rest on my stomach.

Her sharp eyes tracked the movement. "So this is my grandson?"

Dimitri smiled as he walked over and pulled me close to him. "Yes, it is. His name is Ivan."

Abe whistled through his teeth in approval.

"That's a beautiful name," Janine's face tensed as a single tear spilled out of her eye. She quickly got it together, seeming angry at herself for being so emotional. My heart ached for my mother. She put up so many walls to keep people from seeing her true side and now she was having a hard time keeping them up. "I really, really like it." She murmured.

"I'm glad you do," Smiling, I grabbed her small hand and put it to my belly.

Janine gasped and quickly pulled it away, like she'd committed some horrible crime.

"No, it's okay." I said gently. "You can touch my stomach."

She looked hesitant and almost…afraid. She glanced up to Dimitri with question in her eyes, asking him for permission.

He broke out into a soft smile. "It's fine, Janine. He is your grandson."

Nodding, Janine pressed both hands to my belly, feeling the swollenness of my skin. "Wow." Was all she said. She was staring at it, positively mesmerized by my pregnancy state, entranced, as if the rest of the world just faded away.

Abe came up behind Dimitri and rested a heavy palm on his shoulder. "Let's give the ladies a moment to their selves."

My fiancé nodded in agreement, kissed me on the cheek, and exited our apartment.

"We'll be back in a little while," Abe whispered. "I'm going to take my son out for some real man-to-man bonding time. Stuff like that."

I nodded. "Okay. Just try not to blow anything up."

"No promises."

"See ya."

The door shut softly behind my father.

My mother was still staring at my belly and I don't think she even noticed that Abe and Dimitri had left, when she asked, "So you will let me be in Ivan's life?"

I nodded. "Of course. You're his grandma. You guys can do grandma-grandson stuff together like…I don't know. Bake oatmeal raisin cookies, or something."

"I'm not so sure about that, Kiz," Abe appeared in the doorway. He winked, grinning. "She's more likely to burn the whole house down. But then again, cooking has never run in our family's blood—at least on the women's side."

Janine glanced back at him. "Where are you going?"

"Out. Just back for the SUV keys." Abe quickly grabbed what he came for and left.

The scraping of the door shutting seemed to snap my mother back to reality. Janine sniffled, grabbed a tissue from the box on the kitchen counter, and dabbed at the smeared mascara under her eyes. "God, how bad do I look?" Her laugh was an embarrassed and shame filled one.

"Not too bad," I said. "You no longer look like a raccoon."

"That's always a relief," My mother tossed the used tissue into the garbage. She looked around awkwardly, sniffing the air. "Is that…roast beef?"

"Used to be," I muttered. "Uh, well, I kind of finished off the last piece. Sorry."

"Oh."

"Are you hungry?"

Janine shook her head. "No. I'm fine."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Oh, please. As Dimitri says, I'll believe that lie when you do. You've be on the road for hours…come on, I'll cook you up something."

Her lips twisted into a smile.

"You look really pretty when you do that," I blurted. "And younger, too. You should do it more often."

Her cheeks turned the color of a barn, she cleared her throat uncomfortably. "What do you have to eat?"

"Right." I headed for the cupboard, opened it. "Well, we've got tons of good stuff. Puffy Cheetos, chocolate cupcakes, pasta, Frosted flakes, fruit loops, Apple Jacks—"

"Dimitri let's you eat that?" Janine resumed a disgusted expression.

"Yep. But he doesn't like it. Not one bit." I said. "But after threatening to pack up and leave him if he didn't let me eat what I wanted to, well, he backed off."

Her eyes widened.

"Anyways," I went for the fridge. "This is the stuff Dimitri eats. The healthy stuff. I think you'll like it."

"Okay. That sounds good. Anything sounds good right now actually. I'm very hungry."

"We got chicken, salmon, and every vegetable known to man kind. What about some herb chicken and salad?"

Janine nodded.

After washing my hands, I turned on the oven and set the package of chicken on the counter.

"Can you give me the cookie sheet? It's right over there." I pointed.

She handed it to me. "You do know what you're doing...right?"

"Pfft. Yeah." I waved my hands. "Dimitri taught me how to do this dish a few months ago. I got this."

My mother nodded again, but she still looked unsure. Very, very unsure.

"How's dads business going?" I asked while I seasoned the chicken with dried basil and pepper, then squeezed some fresh lemon over it.

"Good." Janine said. "I'm not sure how to say this, but, um, Ibrahim is retiring."

My body wheeled around in shock, dropping a drumstick. The raw chicken hit the ground with a gross _splat. _

Janine and I both went for it at the same time. Our heads bumped.

"Ouch!" We both yelped, bouncing back and landing on our butts from the impact.

We took one look at each other and busted out laughing.

"Sorry." She rubbed the red spot on her forehead.

I did the same thing, grimacing when I felt the stickiness hit my skin. "Oh, great. I got uncooked chicken stuff on my forehead. Do you think I'll get salmonella poisoning?"

My mother had turned beet red from her laughter. Still in hysterics, she shook her head, and said, "No. Just wash it off. You'll be fine."

Janine hopped to her feet when she realized I was struggling to stand on my own because of my huge stomach. She grabbed my hand, not caring that she was getting that sticky stuff all over her hands, and helped me up.

"Thanks." I smiled.

"No problem."

Forty-five minutes later, I pulled the tray out of the oven.

"Mmmm. Mmmm. Good." Slamming the metal on the countertop, I grabbed a plate out of the cupboard and scooped some lemon herb chicken onto it. Then put some salad next to it.

After getting a fork and something for my mother to drink, I set the steaming plate before her on the dining room table.

"How is it?"

She giggled in a short burst as she picked up the fork. "Not sure, Rose. Haven't tried it yet."

I sucked in a ragged breath, realizing that was the first time in my whole life she had called me "Rose", instead of my god awful full name "Rosemarie."

Something in me told me this was a big step in our relationship. That maybe we could stop hating each other. That maybe we could learn to get along. That maybe…we could be friends. All it took was Ivan to bond us.

If I had known that earlier, I would have gotten knocked up along time ago…

"I don't think this is supposed to be pink." Janine said, poking at the meat.

"Really?" My nose scrunched up. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I am." My mother stood up and headed for the kitchen, bringing the plate with her.

I followed, waddling behind her.

She stood at the stove, eyes squinted, lips pursed, as if she was trying to figure out the answers to a hard algebra test she hadn't studied for. "I think we should put the chicken in for longer. So it can cook."

"That would be best." I agreed.

After sliding the tray into the oven, Janine stared at the stove, getting that same focused expression again.

"How high should we turn up the heat?"

"The highest. Broil." She whipped the dial into place. "There we go. Now it will cook fast. And not be pink."

I nodded. "Good idea."

Minutes later, I grew bored of waiting around in the kitchen. "I'm gonna go watch some TV. My feet and lower back are killing me. Wanna come?"

She smiled, a little. "Yes. I would like that."

About fifty minutes filled of Godzilla later, with my Mom grimacing in distaste every two seconds at the screen, I caught something in the air and sniffed. "Do you smell that?"

"Smell what?" Janine asked, flinching as the big dinosaur on the screen roared loudly.

"It's like, uh, I don't know. Bitter. I don't like it." Throwing my head back and sniffing the air like a dog, I headed for the source of the smell.

The kitchen.

"Oh, my god! The chicken! We forgot about it!"

Janine ran in. "What—it's burning! It's coming from the stove!"

"No, duh." I coughed wildly at the black smoke and waved my hand in the air. "My eyes sting! I can't see!"

"Me neither." Janine gagged as the smoke alarms went crazy. "Get outside, Rose! You're pregnant."

"I'm not leaving you, mom."

"Go! I'll handle it." The growl in her voice and that look on her face…

I booked it for the front door. Instantly feeling relieved as I sucked in a huge breath of fresh air. My lungs clenched. As panic rose in my chest, I searched my jean pockets for my inhaler. I was so relieved when I found it.

Moments later, the blaring alarms were suddenly cut off, though the annoying as hell ringing in my ears remained.

The door flung open and my mother ran out.

"Are you okay?" Suddenly, I fell into a fit of hysterical laughter. "Ohmigod, look at your face! It's all black!" I pointed.

Janine rubbed her skin, only to smudge and make it worse than before.

After regaining my composure, I asked, "Is everything okay?"

"Yes." She took a seat on the patio, inhaled and exhaled slowly. "I turned off the oven. Threw the chicken away. Ripped all the batteries out of the smoke alarms—you'll have to put those back in later. And opened all the windows so the smoke could air out."

"Wow. You are superwoman." I took a seat at the chair opposite of her petite body. "Thanks."

"Are you okay?" Concern flooded her dirty face.

I smiled. "Yes, I am. So is Ivan."

"Thank the lord." Janine sagged back, relieved.

Roaring laughter drifted in the air. I glanced down just in time to see Abe running up the stairs towards our apartment, following behind him was Dimitri.

My chest swelled at the sight of him, my body heating up all over despite the fact that he hadn't even touched me yet. Yeah, I missed my fiancé. A lot. Even though he'd only been gone for a few hours.

"Hey, Kiz." Abe grinned, flashing teeth so white they blinded you.

"Hey, dad. What's up? How'd the bonding time go—holy shit. Are you bleeding?" I ran over to Dimitri. Right on his thick bicep, was a red line of dried crimson. It was a clean and short slit, but it was deep.

"Yes." My fiancé wrapped an arm around me. "But don't worry, it's nothing. Just a little accident. Why do you smell like smoke?"

"We'll talk about that later." I waved my hand dismissively. "Now tell me, right goddamn now, what happened to your arm. Or else I'll go all hormonal pregnant female hysteria on you. You do not want that."

"We went hunting. In the woods." Abe said. "I shot him with my rifle."

"You _shot_ him?" I screamed, wheeling around.

"On accident." My father said.

My jaw dropped open as pure rage boiled in my veins.

"It was in the arm. And it only grazed."

"Well that makes it all better!" I threw my hands up in the air. "You could have killed him! And then I would have killed you!"

Abe headed for the front door. "I believe you're being a tad bit melodramatic."

"And I believe you nearly just murdered my husband!"

"Roza, relax. Please…I don't want you or the baby upset." Dimitri said…and he was laughing. The bastard actually had the nerve to laugh at me!

"What's so funny?" I growled.

"Your face…it's all red."

"You look like a lobster, Kiz."

With an animalistic roar, I torpedoed forward and slapped him so hard across the face that it stung my palm.

Balling my hands into fists, I went for a second blow—

Dimitri's arms wrapped around my waist. He hauled me back. "Relax. Now." He hissed in my ear. "Before I make you calm down."

As I regulated my rapid breathing, I glared at my father. "You piece of sh—"

"Roza!"

I broke eye contact and crossed my arms.

"I'm sorry, Rose—"

"I bet you'd be sorry if he was dead, wouldn't you?"

That shut him up.

"Let me go, Dimitri!" My fiancé quickly complied.

I was so angry that my whole body was trembling as I headed for the stairs.

"Where are you going?" That Russian accented voice demanded.

"Away from you. Away from him. Away from everyone. I need a moment alone." Without looking back, I just started walking. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew it had to be anywhere but that goddamn apartment or my goddamn father or my goddamn fiancé.

Minutes later, as I walked through the forest, I bumped into a tree—no, not a tree. A human.

"Get out of my way!" I snapped.

"Whoa, Little Cadet. You've got a set of teeth there, don't ya?"

"Adrian," My head fell into my hands. "God, this day just keeps getting better. Doesn't it?"

I glanced up.

Only to shut my eyes again.

"Shit. You're naked."

"Sorry. My bad. I'm just so comfortable in my skin…it's easy to forget that I'm nude." There was a shuffling, like he was pulling on a pair of pants. "I feel bad for Dimitri."

"Why?" I growled.

"Because after you've seen me like this…well, I've set the bar high. And you know, Dimitri isn't going to be able to compare—"

Despite my angry mood, I laughed in a harsh burst. "There is no comparison. Frankly, Adrian, you have a nice body—"

"Thank you."

"-but Dimitri has the body of a God. Nothing comes close to him."

"You are biased."

I shrugged and slowly peeled my eyes open. "Oh, thank God. You're clothed—holy Mary. Sydney?" I screamed and squeezed my lids shut. "Why the hell are you naked?"

Her voice was an echo as she zoomed by. "Sorry!"

"Where's my kiss?"

The thud of bare feet slapping against the mud sounded as Sydney came back for a kiss, then ran off again.

"She's gone right?"

"Yep."

"And you're still dressed?"

"For now."

I opened my eyes to exhale in relief. An idea popped into my mind in a flash. "Hey, Adrian, give me a cig."

His eyes bugged out of his head. "What? Hell no."

"Please."

"No. Fucking. Way." Adrian said through gritted teeth, green eyes gleaming like emeralds in the night sky.

"Listen here, buddy. I am five and a half months pregnant and I'm cranky as hell. My apartment just nearly burned down to the ground with me in it. My father came for a surprise visit and shot my fiancé. I have all this anger inside me and I can't stop shaking. I need one goddamn cigarette now so that I can calm down and not go into early labor. Give. Me. A. Clove. _Now._"

Fear flooded into Adrian's face and when he handed me an ivory stick and a lighter, he was trembling worse than I was.

"Thank you. Leave me now."

He did.

Sitting down on the forest ground, I propped myself up against a tree and stared at the black sky filled with diamonds. Sometime later, after trying but failing to distinguish any shapes in the stars, my irritation spiked again so I lit up the cigarette.

The bud at the end flared orange as I inhaled. The tension in my shoulders and neck gradually eased as I smoked, and by the end of the tobacco stick, my headache had vanished.

I was just putting it out when I heard a deep voice call out to me. "Roza?"

Panic flooded my chest. Frantically, I waved my hands in the air to get rid of the lingering smoke.

"Roza? There you are. Thank God." Dimitri's long legs crossed the short distance that separated us. He crouched before me. "I was so worried. I've been searching for you for hours."

Had I really been gone that long? "I'm still mad at you." But my voice was soft. All of my anger melted at the sight of him. He was in dark jeans, a white thermal shirt that fit his muscles mouthwateringly, and his signature brown duster. That silky shoulder-length brown hair that I loved to run my fingers through was worn loose and wavy today.

"You can be angry with me all you want. But I have to get you home right now…" Dark eyes flickered around the pitch black forest. "It's not safe here at night. Besides, I told your parents I would call them once I found you."

"They left?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, baby." Dimitri's fingers were light on my cheek, expression full of sadness. "Your father had a business meeting in the morning. They both told me that they love you."

"That's a first." I said, but my insides were all happiness. My mother telling me that she loved me was rare. "How's your arm?"

"Fine. No stitches required. It's already healing."

"Good. Now give me a kiss before I punch you for being so stupid as to go hunting with Abe."

Our lips brushed—

Dimitri hauled back.

"What's wrong—"

His dark eyes went black with anger. "Why do you taste like Cloves?"

"Because Adrian was here, and uh, he was smoking."

"I don't believe you heard me correctly, Rose." His voice was sharp, cutting through the air around us like a machete. "Why do you_ taste_ like Cloves?"

Automatically, I said, "I didn't kiss Adrian."

"I believe you."

"I didn't smoke a cigarette either." My gaze flickered to the ground. The intense, raw, angry power coming from him was nearly suffocating.

"Look me in the eye and tell me that." Dimitri growled.

"I can't."

"Come with me." He hauled me up by my bicep. A lick of pain shot through me but I ignored it.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Home."

Moments later, I was inside my living room, sitting on the couch. Dimitri headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" I jumped up.

"Sit down." My fiancé hissed. "I'm going to have a talk with Adrian."

I swallowed hard. "It was my fault, Dimitri. I demanded that he give me one."

"I understand that. But still, he had no right." The door slammed shut behind his six-foot-seven frame.

"Don't kill him!" I called out, biting my nails. God, why had I been so stupid as to smoke while I was pregnant?

* * *

><p>The bell rang. I ran to the door and flung it open. "Please tell me that Adrian isn't in critical condition—Oh, hey, Lissa. Come in."<p>

A blond brow shot up. "Is everything okay?" She went for the recliner. Oh, how I loved that piece of furniture. It was heaven on earth if you were pregnant.

"I thought you were Dimitri. And yeah, everything's fine. Not to be rude or anything, but why are you here?"

"Relationship problems."

"Oh," I nodded my head in sympathy and understanding. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Not now." Lissa rubbed her bulging belly. "I just prefer to bottle all my emotions inside and then wait for them to explode and I go after Christian wielding a bat."

"I like that idea. Hold on just one sec." I grabbed a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and a spoon. "Here you go. You deserve this more than anyone in the world right now."

"Chunky Monkey?" Lissa licked her lips in anticipation.

"You know it."

She dove in.

I smiled and yawned. Looking at the clock, I realized it was way past my bedtime. After bringing my best friend loads of spare blankets and pillows, I asked, "Will you be okay out here tonight alone? I'm kind of tired and I have to get up early in the morning."

She grinned after swallowing a big bite of frozen dairy. "I'll be fine, Rose. I'm a grown woman. Remember?"

I nodded. "Dimitri will be back in a little while," I hoped. "So don't get scared if you hear the door open. It's just him. You know where my bedroom is…if you need anything—"

"I know the drill. And I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I just need some time alone. Time to think."

"Okay. Night, Liss."

"Sweet dreams."

I had my hand on the knob to our bedroom door when she called out to me. "Yeah?"

"Thanks for letting me, you know, stay here tonight."

"Anytime. _Mi casa is su casa._"

Inside the room, it was peculiarly lonely and cold. Probably because my fiancé wasn't there. I had gotten accustomed to sleeping beside Dimitri every night that I felt so alone without him.

After taking a shower to rinse the bitter kitchen smoke smell and dirt from the forest off me, I brushed my teeth and hair, then headed for the closet. It wasn't something I usually did, but I grabbed one of Dimitri's shirts off the hanger and slid it on. It was big on me and smelled heavenly of him.

Taking that comfort and familiarity, I laid down on the empty bed and slipped under the covers. A few more whiffs of aftershave and I was done for.

Hours later, I woke to the sound of someone in the room. The clink of a watch being set against a nightstand. Belt and change being shuffled around. Someone breathing heavily.

I opened my eyes and sat up. Squinting at the giant black shadow. "Dimitri?"

"It's me, baby."

"Why do you sound like you've run a dozen marathons?" I turned on the light. "Holy shit. What happened to your hands?" They were all bandaged up.

"Don't get up," He sat down on the mattress.

Now that he was closer, I was able to see his face clearer. He had a split lip, a gash on his eyebrow, a black eye, and his jaw was swollen.

"What did you do?" I touched his cheek. When he winced in pain, I pulled away.

"No," Dimitri said. "Please. Come back. I like that."

I scooted closer to his muscular body and carefully wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him.

"You look so beautiful in my shirt." Dimitri murmured. "Now, let's lay down."

I fell back onto the mattress and he came with me, scooting into my side, arms and hands resting on my belly protectively. After laying his head on my chest like a frightened child would, I said, "Tell me what happened."

"I went after Adrian. And I found him."

I hid my flinch my gritting my teeth. "What happened?"

"I hurt him. Badly." Dimitri said. "He's in the clinic right now for a couple of stitches on his face and a broken arm."

Panic flooded my body, kicking up my heart rate.

"Don't worry," My fiancé obviously picked up on my mood. "He's not pressing charges. I talked to him afterwards…and I told him I was sorry. He apologized, too."

"You had no right to go after him like that, Dimitri. I told you it was my fault. I took the damn cigarette."

"I know that. I don't what happened to me. I just snapped. I couldn't control it-"

I pushed my fiancé away, not wanting to touch him, not even wanting to be in the same room as him. "Did Adrian do this to your face?"

"No. The guards did."

"The guards?"

"Yes. They had to pull me off of him." Dimitri said. "Took about seven of them. I finally stopped when I got this." He pointed to his black eye.

"You deserved it." I said. "I'm glad you got popped. That was fucking stupid what you did."

"I know, I know it was—"

"Don't touch me." I growled, standing up.

"Where are you going?" Dimitri shot up.

"Gonna go sleep with Liss on the couch. I can't stand being around you. You…you disgust me right now."

Hurt flashed across his face but I didn't care.

As I headed for the door, I thought of Adrian. I would talk to him first thing in the morning and make sure he was really okay. I also needed to apologize.

Dimitri was over in a flash, blocking my path to the door.

I glared up at him.

"I will sleep on the ground outside the hallway. You are pregnant and I will not have you sleeping on the couch. Take the bed."

"Have it your way." I slid under the covers. "And make sure you shut the door behind you."

He nodded slowly, his brows knitting together. "I…I'm sorry, Rose—"

"Go." I turned off the light, lay down, and rested my eyes.

"Goodnight, Rose." Dimitri whispered.

"Goodbye."

The door shut softly behind him.


	3. Chapter 3: Time to realize

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong>Previously on Open your Eyes...<strong>_  
><em>

_Dimitri was over in a flash, blocking my path to the door._

_I glared up at him._

_"I will sleep on the ground outside the hallway. You are pregnant and I will not have you sleeping on the couch. Take the bed."_

_"Have it your way." I slid under the covers. "And make sure you shut the door behind you."_

_He nodded slowly, his brows knitting together. "I…I'm sorry, Rose—"_

_"Go." I turned off the light, lay down, and rested my eyes._

_"Goodnight, Roza." Dimitri whispered._

_"Goodbye."_

_The door shut softly behind him._

**RPOV:**

Punching a pillow, I flipped over on the bed for the thousandth time and growled. It was a quarter to three in the morning and I still hadn't gotten a lick of sleep.

Dimitri. That name came to my brain instantly, just like it had all night. He'd been all I could think about. The picture of him in my brain was as clear as daylight.

I needed my fiancé. Now. So did Ivan apparently, because he was doing flips in my stomach and kicking my ribs. The baby was just as restless as I was because he wanted his daddy next to me, with his large hand on my belly, protecting the both of us.

Climbing out of bed, I tugged my favorite fleece blanket around my shoulders and tiptoed to the door. Opening it, I found my fiancé just outside in the hallway, his face literally inches from the door.

Talk about overprotective. But I secretly loved it.

Dimitri's eyes flew open, as if he sensed me there. "Is everything okay?"

When he started to get to his feet, I shoved him back down by his shoulders and told him to stay. Then I awkwardly got to my knees and laid down, snuggling up to his warm body.

"Everything is fine. Don't worry." I whispered, careful not to disturb Lissa who was snoozing on the couch. "I just couldn't sleep."

He turned on his side so that he could face me. Despite the fact that it was nearly pitch black in the apartment, I was still able to see his chocolate-brown eyes.

"Me neither." Dimitri said. "Thank you for coming out here and being with me."

I nodded.

"Do you want to go back to bed? I will carry you."

I shook my head.

"Are you comfortable here?"

Again, with the head nod.

"Would you like anything to drink? Water, juice?"

"No. I just want to sleep here…with you by my side. Ivan misses you."

The flare of white in the black told me that he smiled. "I missed him. You too. So much…"

A burst of happiness sparked in my chest as I smiled and stuffed my face into the crook of his neck, inhaling that wonderful crisp scent of aftershave. Oddly, I felt home again.

"Goodnight, Dimitri."

His arms wrapped around my body as he pulled me closer to him. He tugged the blankets over me and kissed the top of my head. "Goodnight, Roza. I love you."

When he put a hand to my belly and started humming something in Russian to Ivan, I was out like a light. Strangely, lying on the hard ground by my fiancé was much more comfortable than being in that cold bed without him.

* * *

><p>The next morning, I stirred awake and found myself in the comfortable recliner. That would explain why my neck and back weren't killing me. Confusion settled in and I wondered how I got there and where Lissa had gone. The flush in the bathroom told me the answer. Pregnancy could be a nagging bitch to bladders.<p>

"Dimitri?" I called out, my voice raw and harsh from sleep. I cleared my dry throat.

He came out of the kitchen a moment later. Even though he was a little rough around the edges and his black eye was swollen shut, his beauty was still something sent from above.

"Is everything okay? Are you all right? Let me help you up."

I had to smile. "I'm fine. Will you ever stop worrying about me?"

"Not as long as I'm breathing."

"That's the answer I like to hear," I said. "What is that wonderful smell?"

His brown eyes gleamed. "Breakfast. I'm making it for you. And I know you're wondering how you got in that recliner. I carried you there this morning after I woke up. I couldn't stand to see you all uncomfortable on the ground."

"I will never get tired of saying this: You are badass. In every sense of the word."

He took a sip of his mug and winked. I cursed the pregnancy hormones for letting them get my body all worked up over that one little gesture. But damn…he looked so good today. Those hard muscles fitting so well to his military uniform. His damp hair tied in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. His face fierce and clean shaven. Oh, God. I could smell that incredible aftershave…

The bathroom door opened, making me jump and snap out of it. A moment later, Lissa came out looking well rested, refreshed, and glowing like a star at the top of a Christmas tree. My best friend was dressed in a pair of my old orange sweats and…"Hey, that's my favorite T-shirt!"

"Do you like it, mamacita?" She did a twirl, smiling like crazy. "No wonder it's your favorite. This fabric is amazing and incredibly soft. Not to mention the little penguin on the front. He's just_ soooo_ cute. Don't ya just wanna squeeze his adorable, tiny brains out—"

"You and Christian are back together, aren't you?"

"OMG, yes!" A hand flew to her heart as she exhaled dreamily. "He is the romantic king. Dear God, I'm hopelessly in love with him. And I just find it nearly impossible to stay mad at him for very long. Especially when he, uh, he, uh…" Lissa blushed a deep crimson. "Christian came here last night, like super late, and well…I won't get into details, but, let's just say that you'll probably need to disinfect the top of your washing machine."

As I made sounds of disgust and horror, the front door flung open with no warning whatsoever.

Christian. It was Christian.

One glance at his pregnant woman and he looked like a kid that was going to Disneyland.

He had Lissa up in his arms and out of the apartment in a flash.

When the door slammed shut, I told Dimitri, "Boy, it takes them awhile to kiss and make up, huh."

Glancing toward the kitchen, I found him staring at me. His eyes were so intense on my face it was like someone had pitched a tent and started a camp fire between us.

"Is something on my face?" Self-consciously, I patted my mouth and cheeks, then my forehead and hair.

The God reincarnate took a sip of his hot cocoa, making me want to scream at the perfect picture of calm and control he'd created. "I had a dream last night."

The tremulous note in his voice made my feet plant on the ground on their own accord. The fear in those bottomless brown eyes brought me forward as if someone had tied a rope around my waist and yanked hard on it.

"Tell me about it." I grabbed his hand and gave a reassuring squeeze.

His thumb ran soothing circles over my skin. "I don't want to worry you. It was just a dream, really. Nothing to sweat over."

"You know I don't believe that anymore than you do. Tell me. Please. I don't want our relationship built around secrets and lies."

The slow smile that tugged at his lips made my heart flutter. "I like the way you say _our._"

"I'm sorry about last night." I blurted. Ivan kicked a second later, almost as if he was encouraging me. "I shouldn't have been that mean to you, but still, you had no reason to do that to my friend."

"I know." His face slipped into his General mask. "That is something I deeply regret. But…"

"But what?"

"I'm going to apologize to Adrian and make it up to him."

"Make it up to him? What do you mean?"

"You'll see." Dimitri rinsed out his mug and placed it in the dishwasher. "When that man has the biggest grin on his face, you'll know it's because of me."

"You giving him your favorite watch?" I asked. "The one he's always loved?"

He nearly choked. "No."

"I think you should. He would love it." I smiled. "You know, a little get well present. I'm sure it will get his spirits up."

"Do you realize how much I spent on that watch?"

"Do you realize I should leave you for what you did?"

Dark brows came down as a growl came between his teeth. "Not fair, and you are well aware of that."

"Who ever said I played fair?" I leaned my hip against the counter. "I've never followed by the rules. I like to start trouble. I'm dangerous. And I think that's part of the reason you fell in love with me when I was your student, wasn't it? I made you want to yank your hair out. I brought excitement to your life. Admit it, General," I looped my fingers in his camo pants and yanked him against me. "I am the fire of your life."

"You always have been." He said in that intoxicating Russian accent. "You've always driven me completely wild. You still do. And I love it."

Grinning like someone who'd just gotten away with robbing a bank, I said, "So you're going to give Adrian your watch?"

Dimitri grimaced. "Correct."

"And apologize to him?"

"I will make everything better. I promise. No matter what I have to do, I will fix what I have screwed up."

"Good boy." I patted his cheek and pulled away.

"Tease."

"Sex on legs." I shot back.

"Where are you going?" Dimitri growled playfully. "I haven't even gotten a kiss. I need one, Roza."

"Like you deserve it," I headed for the bathroom. "And I'm taking a shower. Want to help soap me up and rinse me off? I think I need some assistance and you've got big, strong hands…"

Dimitri steadied his palms against the counter, and like the awesome ninja he was, hopped over the island and landed gracefully on his combat boots. His eyes met mine with a predatory, possessive gleam, and he came towards me at a dead run.

I giggled and squealed when he scooped me in his arms, kicking the bathroom door shut behind us. "You are _mine._" He cupped the back of my neck and crushed his mouth to mine.

I wrapped my arms around Dimitri's neck, just as greedy as he was to get down to business. "Always will be."

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV:<strong>

"You never told me about that dream, you know." Rose said, piling her tray high with Pizza, frosted brownies, blue Jell-O, and two cartons of strawberry milk.

Dimitri eyed her food choices with distaste, looking like he wanted to chuck the red tray across the staff cafeteria and replace it with a new one filled with nothing but healthy stuff.

I knew exactly how he felt. Always wanting to protect your woman. Worrying constantly about her and the baby in her belly. Having the urge to lock her away to keep her safe. Not wanting anyone or anything near her but yourself.

Yeah, it was damn stressful. Lissa was on my mind constantly, 24/7. And I had a feeling Dimitri was the same way with Rose.

"Tell daddy to tell mommy about the dream, Ivan. He's not listening to me." Rose clutched her swollen stomach and bumped Dimitri's arm with it. "Did you hear that, Comrade? Ivan says tell mommy. Now. He's very impatient."

"Just like his mother," Dimitri fought his smile, but lost and broke out into a loving one. He grabbed both of their trays, brushed Rose's arm as he directed her to a nearby table, and helped her get seated, making sure she reached the highest level of comfort possible.

"Should I get the banana or chocolate pudding?" Lissa nibbled on her bottom lip.

"Whatever you want, babe." I pulled her to my side, sliding my hand around and resting it on her beautiful stomach. "Get both."

"No. I'd feel like a fatty if I did that." She shook her head. "I just want one."

Tucking a lock of blond hair behind her ear, I said, "Well how about this?" I grabbed a plastic bowl and spoon, then grabbed the two containers. "We'll mix the two together and make it one."

After stirring the brown and yellow together well, I placed it on her tray and scooped a bite in her mouth. "Good?"

Lissa licked her lips, smiled, and nodded. "Wonderful. Thank you."

"Problem solved. Do you want anything else? Hey, buddy! Got a problem?"

"You're holding up the line."

"Keep it moving! I didn't superglue your shoes to the floor, did I? Don't look at my wife like that either." The staff worker passed by us with a scowl.

After paying for the food, the two of us took a seat across from Rose and Dimitri, who were looking especially grave.

"What's got you so blue, Rose? You know that color doesn't suit you well."

She simply shook her head and stared down.

"Eat." Dimitri nudged her tray.

"Not hungry."

"For the baby, please." Lissa grabbed her hand, jade-green eyes incredibly kind. "Don't make me scarf down both of our trays. You know I can. Baby Rose didn't inherit your name for nothing. The girls got an appetite."

Rose smiled, a little. But it dripped with sadness. She looked as if she was about to burst in tears and Lissa immediately became concerned.

Dimitri leaned over and whispered in Rose's ear. A few moments later, he pulled away and kissed her cheek.

After taking two deep breaths, Rose picked up a triangle of pizza and bit in. Dimitri looked relieved.

"Tell him about your new job, babe." Lissa said to make conversation and ease the tension coming from across the table.

"I'm her boss."

Rose coughed. "Really?"

"Yep. She answers to me. And only me."

"No." Lissa rolled her eyes. "He's my assistant."

A grin broke out on Rose's face. "Ha ha. That's awesome. I wish I could be in charge of Dimitri."

"You are." He winked at her.

Giggling, she rested her head against his shoulder and smiled up at him. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly.

"Anyways…" I cleared my throat as I absentmindedly ran my fingers through Lissa's hair. "I make about as much money as she does. The job's easy. And I get to spend the entire day with my honey. What more could I want?"

"I don't know…college maybe?" Rose said.

"Nah. I hated school when I was forced to go. You think I would actually go now? Nope. College ain't for me."

Beside me, Lissa frowned and poked at her food.

"Okay, okay. Maybe not now. But one day."

My girlfriend perked up instantly, shining brighter than any star in the sky. "Really? You'd consider it?"

"To make a secure future for you and Little Rose? Of course. I'd do anything."

"That makes me happy."

"That's my mission."

"And you've just accomplished it." Our lips met and mingled, dancing together slowly and wonderfully.

Stan walked over and greeted Dimitri with a respectful nod. "General Belikov."

Dimitri returned.

_Ahem. _"Common courtesy, folks. You wanna stick your tounges down each other's throats? Fine. But do it another time." Stand said.

Lissa chuckled and pulled away, placing her hands over mine to keep me from giving the asshole the bird. She knew me so well.

"Oh, Tiny. Come on. Give the kids a break." Alberta smiled as she came up beside him, their arms brushing slightly. "General Belikov. Miss Hathaway and Dragomir. And…Cadet Ozera."

I grinned. "Stop it, Sergeant. I'm blushing. I can't believe you remembered my name."

"It's kind of hard to forget, considering all the stunts you pulled during your four years at the high school campus." Alberta said dryly.

"By the way, it's not cadet anymore. I'm chief of medical staff at the clinic."

"He's my assistant." Lissa corrected immediately.

Amusement sparkled in Alberta's eyes. "Ah, very nice. Well, I just wanted to see how you kiddo's were. I've got to get back to patrolling the grounds. It's my watch." She glanced at the clock. "Nice talking to you all. Come on, Itty Bitty. Let's go. No pouting this time either."

We had to laugh as they walked away, Stan dragging his feet behind her like a child about to go in for an unpleasant dental appointment.

"So, movies tonight?" I bit my ham sandwich. "We'll buy popcorn and candy if you two bring soda—"

"I kind of just want to go home and sleep if you don't mind." Rose said. "I'm feeling really tired and kind of sick."

"What's wrong?" Lissa asked. "You want me to have a look at you?"

"Headache, that's all." Rose stood up. "Actually…I think I better go lay down now. I'ma skip class."

"Okay," Lissa nodded, clearly worried and wanting to do more to help her best friend. "I hope you feel better."

"Thanks."

Dimitri was up in a heartbeat, grabbing both of their trays and leading Rose out of the cafeteria.

"That was weird." I tossed a few Doritos in my mouth.

"Something's up." Jade-green eyes narrowed. "And whatever it is, I don't like it."

* * *

><p><strong>RPOV:<strong>

"How are you feeling, baby?" Dimitri asked, pressing a palm to my forehead, checking for a fever.

"Fine. Just worried."

"There's nothing to worry about, Roza. It was a dream. That's all." He cursed and rubbed his eyes, like he had a headache. "I know I shouldn't have told you about it. You don't need all of this trouble. It'll put stress on Ivan."

"The baby is fine, and I'm glad you told me about it." I laced our fingers together and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Thank you for being honest. I wanted to know."

Dimitri closed his eyes for a split second, nodded, and murmured something in Russian.

"What did you say?" I smiled.

"Just a prayer for my wife and our child." he said. "My grandmother used to say it to me and my sisters every night before bed."

"I miss Yeva."

"Me too, Roza. Me too."

"Want to lay with me and watch a movie?"

Leaning down, he pressed his lips to mine and nodded. "That would be nice."

After rubbing cocoa butter on to my swollen belly, Dimitri popped some popcorn and slid a disk into the DVD player.

"Я люблю тебя, Dimka."

He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me. "I love you, Roza."

* * *

><p><strong>APOV:<strong>

"You know what would make me feel better?" I asked as Sydney slipped on my shoes. Her blond hair was incredible as it tumbled over her slender shoulder.

"Hmm?"

I groaned a little in pain as I hopped off the bed. My girlfriend helped steady me as she hooked my good arm around her and balanced the majority of my weight against the side of her body. Tough girl. Damn, that was a turn on. After twenty-four hours in the hospital, I was happy to find out that Captain Winky still worked and was very awake in my pants. That was pretty much the only thing on my body that didn't ache, well at least not in the bad way.

"A huge chocolate sundae." I said. "With hot fudge and a cherry at the top."

She smiled brilliantly. "I think I can make that happen."

As we hopped along to the desk at the front of the clinic, I asked, "And how do you feel about wearing a nurse outfit and serving me until I am of full health, future Mrs. Ivashkov?"

"It's good to know that your ego nor your perversion was damaged in the fight."

"Oh, please, baby. Nothing could hurt that. Not in this life or the next. This is me until the end of time and you better get used to it." I grunted, fresh sweat breaking over my skin from the energy I was using.

"I told you we should have used the wheel chair."

"Never. And don't look at me like that. It's my pride's fault. He wouldn't let me use one because he said that I'm a man. Besides, I've only got a broken arm and a roughed up face. S'all good under the hood, baby."

"I think you forgot about the spleen that was removed, you idiot. Gosh, you are so annoying and stubborn sometimes."

"Yeah, I know. But you love me."

"Right now...I'm not so sure."

"Oh, come on. I know you feel me. Admit it. You want me. You. Love. Me."

Sydney rolled her eyes as a smile unleashed on her face. "Shut up and sit down while I go sign you out."

"Happy to oblige, ma'am."

Minutes later, I spotted Rose in the clinic, wobbling along as she clutched her stomach. Those chocolate-brown eyes were searching. Searching for something. Me.

Lifting my good arm in the air, I waved and called out her name.

She ran over. "Oh, my God! There you are. Are you okay? Holy crap. Look at your arm!"

"Easy there, Little Cadet. I don't want you to go into early labor."

"I'm so sorry! God, Adrian, I'm _soooo_ sorry! Will you ever forgive me?" Rose wiped under her eyes, like she was crying.

I grabbed her hand and gave a reassuring squeeze. "I'm fine. Honestly, I am."

"This should have never happened. Dimitri should have controlled himself."

"And I should have never gave you that Clove. No matter what. So the two of us learned a damn good lesson, huh?" I smirked. "I just want to say damn, you've got a good protector."

"You mean Dimitri?"

"Hell, yeah. Excuse my French, but that fucker knows how to fight. And he's scary as hell. You should have seen him when he came after me, all growling and bulging muscles and shit. I think I'm going to call him The Russian Hulk from now on." I laughed. "And don't even get me started on the guards. When they pulled me away from him, I was all in pain you know, but it was awesome watching him taking on seven grown men and swatting them off like flies. Hot dayum. Good show. Good show."

"Yep, you're back to normal." Rose giggled.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you talk too damn much. Much like you always do." she said. "How is your arm feeling?"

"Hurts like a biotch, but at least I got some awesome drawings on my cast." I said. "My little artist over there spent all night working on them. All it took was a Sharpie, a hand, and tons of love. Amazing, huh?"

"The drawings are so cool. What is that? A skeleton pirate?"

"No. It's a skeleton riding a motorcycle with flames coming out of it."

"With a parrot on his shoulder."

"A ninja skeleton parrot."

"And the biker skeleton is shooting out ninja throwing stars. That are on fire."

"What do you think?" I asked.

"The first word that comes to my mind? AWESOME. That is completely frickin' awesome." Rose said. "I'm tempted to go break a bone just so Sydney could draw something like that on my cast."

"I'd have to charge you. That magic of hers doesn't come free."

She took the seat beside me. "Did Dimitri come and talk to you?"

I had to laugh in satisfaction at the memory. "Hell, yeah. He did."

"And did he...apologize?"

"Oh, yeah." I said in the Kool-Aid Man accent.

"Did you forgive him?"

"Of course, Little Cadet. I couldn't stay mad at him. He's like an older brother to me. A really, really scary taller older brother."

"And did he give you anything?" Rose asked.

I thought of the watch I'd refused to take from him, though I'd wanted it so badly because it was a collectors item. "Nothing materialistic, but he defiantly did repay me."

"That bastard. He didn't listen to me. I told him to give you his favorite watch." she exclaimed. "How did he repay you?"

"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

Brown eyes narrowed. "You know I don't like secrets."

"Not a secret. Just think of it as a bond between two men. And one of those men, let's call him D, owes the extremely handsome younger man a favor. And that handsome young fella, let's call him A, can use that favor anytime he wants. Wherever he wants. Whenever he wants. Understand?"

"But-"

"And Sydney comes to save the day. Hi, baby. Are we all clear?"

"Hi, Rose." My girlfriend waved. "Yes, I signed you out. You're good to go."

"Wonderful." I kissed her. "Talk to ya later, Little Cadet."

Grinning, I gave Rose one last glance and leaned against Sydney for support, walking out of the clinic.


	4. Authors Note: Writers Block

**A/N:**

Little teaser for the next chapter to tie you guys over

**Unknown POV:**

"Who was the one who killed my brother?" Robert Doru asked. "I want the name. _Now._"

Everything about this motel was throwing him further into his terrible mood. He hated the dirty carpet, the stained sheets, the rusty tiles in the shower, the brownish water.

"Natasha!" Robert yelled to get her attention.

"What is it?" The woman snapped, tugging the brush through her raven locks and setting it on the cracked counter of the bathroom.

"Was it Rosemarie or Vasilisa?" he demanded.

Malice gleamed in her ice-blue eyes. "The police killed Victor. But it was Rose's fault. She brought them there."

"Good. I love Vasilisa…she's a dear. I would have hated to kill her…but if I had to. Anyways, I need to get to her." Robert said. "The only honor I can bring my brother now is by avenging his death. I won't…I _can't _stop until she is dead."

A slow grin spread across her lips as her heart-shaped face filled with anticipation. "I'll bring you to Rose immediately."

**RPOV: **

"I'm carrying a foreigner in my belly."

Dimitri outright laughed. "Ivan will be born here. He is American."

"Says the Russian." I narrowed my eyes. "Do you think he'll need a green card? Like a small one?"

Dimitri walked out of the room, shaking his head, muttering things in his native tongue. "Crazy woman."

"Hey! I heard that!"

My fiancé turned around, smiling beautifully. "I love you, Roza."

"Don't try to sweet talk me."

"You're so beautiful."

"It's not working."

"Do you want me to make you a big breakfast?"

"_Mmmm!_ Yeah! Okay, I forgive you." I trotted into the kitchen along with him.


	5. Chapter 4: Surprise, Surprise

**A/N: **I want to thank you all for the wonderful advice, and for your patience and understanding! The writers block is still kicking my a$$, but I somehow managed to type this chapter up pretty quickly! :D It's not as good as I'd like it to be, but I tried my best. I know exactly what I'm going to do with this story and have already outlined it, so hopefully it's smooth sailing from here on out!

Again, thank you all so much! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Unknown POV:<strong>

"Who was the one who killed my brother?" Robert Doru asked. "I want the name. _Now._"

Everything about this motel was throwing him further into his terrible mood. He hated the dirty carpet, the stained sheets, the rusty tiles in the shower, the brownish water.

"Natasha!" Robert yelled to get her attention.

"What is it?" The woman snapped, tugging the brush through her raven locks and setting it on the cracked counter of the bathroom.

"Was it Rosemarie or Vasilisa?" he demanded.

Malice gleamed in her ice-blue eyes. "The police killed Victor. But it was Rose's fault. She brought them there."

"Good. I love Vasilisa…she's a dear. I would have hated to kill her…but if I had to. Anyways, I need to get to her." Robert said. "The only honor I can bring my brother now is by avenging his death. I won't…I _can't _stop until she is dead."

A slow grin spread across her lips as her heart-shaped face filled with anticipation. "I'll bring you to Rose immediately."

* * *

><p><strong>RPOV: <strong>

"I'm carrying a foreigner in my belly."

Dimitri outright laughed. "Ivan will be born here. He is American."

"Says the Russian." I narrowed my eyes. "Do you think he'll need a green card? Like a small one?"

Dimitri walked out of the room, shaking his head, muttering things in his native tongue. "Crazy woman."

"Hey! I heard that!"

My fiancé turned around, smiling beautifully. "I love you, Roza."

"Don't try to sweet talk me."

"You're so beautiful."

"It's not working."

"Do you want me to make you a big breakfast?"

"_Mmmm!_ Yeah! Okay, I forgive you." I trotted into the kitchen along with him.

* * *

><p>The bell rang, signaling the end of class. "Thank God." I said to Lissa who was waiting out in the hall with a cup of hot cocoa and a sweet roll. "I don't think I can take another second of biology."<p>

"College is awesome, isn't it?" she said as we walked towards the courtyards.

The pastry stuffed halfway in my mouth, I turned and gave her an incredulous look. "Are you insane?"

"Learning makes me happy. Got a problem with it?"

"Yeah," I scoffed, swallowing. "College is like high-school all over again. Do you know how much homework is in this bag? A lot. I can't tell you how many times I've contemplated dropping out."

She stopped dead in her tracks, then grabbed my arm and yanked me back. "You can't do that! You've worked so hard to get where you are now. You're the teachers pet. You're the best and smartest student in that class. And you've already invested nearly three years into this. _Don't. Quit_."

"Sweet Jesus," I said as we resumed walking, rubbing the burning spot on my arms from where her fingers left marks in my skin. "You're pretty goddamn scary when you're passionate about something."

"That's exactly why we're still together," Christian strolled up, throwing an arm over my best friend's shoulders and placing a kiss to her cheek. "You should see her in the bedroom. She's a beast."

Lissa blushed and shrugged. "It's these pregnancy hormones. I can't help it. One moment I'm stuffing my face, and the next I'm pouncing on you like an animal."

"I feel ya," I murmured, recalling the last time Dimitri and I had been together. Eight hours ago. God, it seemed so long.

"I'm not complaining one bit," Christian bent down and bit my best friend teasingly on her throat.

Giggling like a school girl, she turned her head to meet his awaiting lips.

"Disgusting," I glanced at my watch. "I gotta go. Dimitri's gonna be off work soon."

"Such a shame. I miss you already." Christian said.

"Bite me. See ya lovebirds later."

"Bye!"

Out on the field, I spotted Dimitri directing the cadets in a set of jumping jacks. And like the hard ass he was at his job, he towered over a new recruit, right up in the teenagers face.

Squinting to get a good look at the students face, I picked up my pace, wobbling as fast I could across the wet grass without slipping on the mud. "Shit." I muttered as the kid took a swing and cracked Dimitri in the jaw

It was Mathew. The same cadet that had tackled me to the ground and caused me to have a severe concussion.

Mathew was picked up by the fabric of his black tank-top and thrown to the ground. Having lost his control, my fiancé was on top of the student in a heartbeat, baring his teeth and shouting at him.

The cadets stopped what they were doing and stared at their hierarchy and fellow cadet in shock and fear.

"Dimitri! Stop!"

When it seemed as if he hadn't heard me, or maybe he had simply ignored me, I shoved two fists in his hair and yanked, craning his head backwards. The instant Dimitri met my eyes, the expression on his face positively melted, the tension left his body.

"Get off of him now!"

That softness in him dissolved, morphing into his signature General mask. "This is none of your business, Rose. Get out of here. Now."

"To hell with that." Clamping my fingers on his shoulders, I used all of the strength within me to give one good shove. Dimitri tipped of Mathew's chest and landed in the grass.

I might be pregnant, but that didn't mean I couldn't kick ass.

"What did you do this time?" I helped Mathew to his feet.

He glared at me.

"Tell her." Dimitri drawled, crossing his arms. "I guarantee you that once she hears, you will be wishing for me to give you the punishment. Go ahead. Tell my wife what you said about her."

"It was about me?"

"My wife is waiting for your answer, Mr. Anderson."

Still, the cadet kept his trap shut.

Dimitri spoke up. "He called you a whore. Said that was all you will ever be—"

My fist sailed and connected with Mathew's cheek, snapping his head to the side. "Really? A _whore?_ You couldn't have been more original?" My hands grabbed his face, contorting his features until it was hard for him to breathe.

"Don't. Touch. Me." he panted.

"He's been expelled from the academy, Roza. You really shouldn't be handling him right now."

"Remove that expulsion."

"That's not of my power."

I spun around to face my fiancé, positively fuming. "Then get your ass in there and make it your power," I jabbed my finger at the administrative building. "This kid isn't going anywhere."

* * *

><p>"I have to go," Dimitri kissed me, then went over to the mirror and straightened his tie. He was dressed in a navy-blue suit, representing the school color of St. Augustine's. The lapels, shoulders, and breast pockets of his jacket were covered in an assortment of brass pins and colorful ribbons and badges. All signified my fiancé's accomplishments and tough climb to the top of the game as general.<p>

"I'm so proud of you," I said, pulling him down for a quick peck. "I'm going to be waiting for you when you get back."

"That's what I love to hear," Dimitri wrapped his arms around me and drew me against him. "Do you want to know what my favorite part of the day is?"

"Hmmm?"

"Coming home to you. Just knowing that I'm going back to a warm home, with my wife and our son….it makes me the happiest man on earth."

"As you should be," I laughed quietly, running the back of my fingers against his cheek. "You've got a hot wife that you get to bonk every night. What guy wouldn't be happy?"

"True. You make some very good points," he chuckled and ran the tip of his nose along my neck, inhaling deeply. "And I'm not sure I like the word _bonk._ It's too crude. We make love."

"We make magic."

Almost as if on cue, Ivan kicked. Hard.

"See! The baby agrees that he is magical."

Dimitri crouched down and did the whole kiss-and-caress thing with my swollen belly. "Dad loves you, son. Very much. Now be good for your mother while I'm gone at the meeting."

My fiancé got to his feet, pressed his lips to mine briefly, and headed for the door. "I love you, Roza."

"Same to you, General." I blew him a kiss, to which he responded with a wink and lick of his lips—a secret promise of the fun that was to come when he got home form work.

I couldn't wait. To pass the time, I soaked in a bubble bath and watched a couple episodes of Project Runway.

A few hours had passed already, and I was getting more restless by the second. Glancing at the coat and slippers on the floor reminded me of something.

Outside, the fall weather was crisp and cool, smelling of the fresh pine trees that surrounded the academy. The blistering wind stung my face and whipped my hair. Taking a deep breath through my nose, I let all the stress go and just focused on the beauty of the night.

Rubbing my swollen belly in circles, I smiled and began walking. Already, I began to feel my mind clear like someone had wiped my skull with Windex. These night walks were amazing. The only peace I found in my chaotic world beside Dimitri and our unborn son.

Dimitri and I usually went on these walks together every night, just to spend some quality time together and make sure that I was getting a decent amount of exercise during my pregnancy, but since my fiancé was busy tonight, I decided to go out alone.

The Jasmines were in full bloom, and as I stepped by the bush, I couldn't resist the urge to pick a flower and bring it up to my nose for a whiff.

"Beautiful, aren't they?"

"Oh, God," A hand flew to my heaving chest. "You scared the shit out of me, Alberta. You too, Itty Bitty."

"It's Stan."

"Man, I feel sorry for you," I said. "Alberta really has done a number on your ego, hasn't she?"

"You forgot to mention his dignity." she chuckled. "I got that under tight wraps, in the pocket of my camo's."

"Oh, look! He's making a mean face. I think we upset him Alberta." Laughter bubbled from my mouth.

"We're sincerely sorry, Tiny." Alberta slapped a hand on his shoulder and pursed her lips together. "No, really. We are—Oh, what the hell. Just suck it up, pull up your big girl panties, and deal with it. Rose?"

"Yup."

"Where you headed?"

"Just going on a walk. Waiting for the general to come home." I smiled, rubbing my stomach in circles.

Alberta's expression went grave. "It's going to be awhile, honey. One of the new recruits…"

"Come on, say it. I'm more than equipped to handle whatever gruesome details you have to share."

"One of the new cadets sneaked a knife into the orientation and attacked two of the Honor cadets."

"Jesus. Are they okay?"

"Nope," Stan said. "One's dead. Other's in critical condition…barely hanging on by a thread. The kid really fucked them up before the guards and General Belikov stepped in."

"Is Dimitri okay?"

"He's got a pretty nasty gash on his hand from when he tried to grab the knife, but besides that, he'll live."

"It was Mathew, wasn't it?"

Alberta and Stan nodded in unison.

Guilt and regret twisted my gut until it was hard to breathe. "Fuck. I knew that kid was going to do something bad. I just knew it. I didn't know it was going to be this bad, though. What are they going to do with him?"

"That's for the Lord to decide."

It felt like I had been sucker punched. "He's…_dead?_ Mathew is dead?"

"Slit his own throat," Stan said unconcernedly. "Suicide mission. At least that's what the authorities believe."

"My God," I pressed both hands to my tummy, trying to gather strength and comfort from Ivan.

"I know what you're thinking, Rose." Alberta grabbed my arm. "Don't blame yourself. That kid wasn't able to be saved. He was messed up in his head. You couldn't have done anything."

"I could have tried."

"And he could have done to you what he did to those cadets and himself. Stop it. Now."

"I need to see Dimitri. Where is he?"

"That's not such a good idea—"

"Just outside of the gates. Dealing with the police—"

My feet were picking up a dead run before Stan was finished speaking.

Moments later, I spotted the red, blue, and white siren lights from the police car. My heart swelled at the sight of Dimitri talking with two detectives. Even from where I was, I could see the strain and pain in his face, and knew he was blaming himself for everything. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and hug him like there was no tomorrow.

I sprinted as fast as I could, trying not to bounce my son around too much. He kicked me hard in the ribs, almost like a: _WTF, mom?_

_Clonk. _

Something hard cracked against the back of my skull. I heard the blow before I felt it. A split second later, I was down on the ground, flat on my back. My vision swam with bright stars and chirping birds.

A bat.

I squinted.

_Was that a fucking bat?_

"Shit." I groaned, white spots dancing before my vision.

Right before I blacked out, two heads appeared before me. Maybe I was hallucinating or imaging things, but I could have sworn I saw Tasha and some other weirdo that looked eerily like Victor leaning over my body.


	6. Chapter 5: Breakdown

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong><em>1 year later…<em>**

**RPOV: **

The weather was beautiful. The sun hung like a chunky pendant in the baby blue sky, and the grass was the most vibrant green. Across the street, children giggled as they ran through sprinklers and dodged water balloons being launched from their friends.

It was the perfect summer day.

And it was such a shame that I wasn't going outside to enjoy it.

There was a soft knock on the door, and I glanced over my shoulder to find Lissa standing there, little Rose hanging on her left hip.

"Hi." she said cheerfully, smiling the brightest smile. That happy façade was forced, I could tell from the strain in her jade-green eyes. She wasn't putting up a show for her daughter, it was all for me.

"Hey." I went back to staring out the window. "What are you doing here?"

"Mind if we talk for a moment, Rose?" Lissa didn't wait for an answer. She came over and plopped down on my bed, gently setting her eleventh month old daughter down beside her.

Today, the infant was dressed in a yellow summer dress and white buckle-on Disney sandals. Little Rose was a stunning child, I had to admit. With her platinum blond curls and wide ice-blue eyes, she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.

And a painful reminder of everything that I had lost and been robbed of.

When the child made a little cooing noise and outstretched her chubby arms, reaching for me, eyes pleading, I cringed and automatically scooted to the edge of the bed, as far away from her as possible.

Lissa automatically scooped her daughter in to her arms and cradled her in her lap. Little Rose's bottom lip quivered.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked, plucking a loose strand on the old gray sweater I was wearing to avoid her eyes.

"Today is Little Rose's birthday—well, not her real birthday, just a monthly birthday thing Christian and I do…well, every month." Lissa laughed anxiously. "And ummm…I was wondering if you'd like to come to the park. There's going to be pizza and cake and drinks, and I figured the four of us could, you know, hang out. Believe it or not, Christian really misses you. _I miss you_."

"Yeah, I uh—"

"Come here, kitten," Lissa balanced her daughter on her feet. "Ask Aunty Rose to come with us! Say _please!_"

"Ro! Ro! _Pleeeeeeee!_" Little Rose giggled, clapping her small hands together.

I stood from the bed, feeling extremely uncomfortable and a little bit claustrophobic. "I can't. I have to go see Ivan today."

Lissa's smile dropped. "Oh, right. Yeah, I'm sorry…I forgot about that. Can we come?"

"No." God, the distance between us was so obvious. She was standing right in front of me, but it felt as if I were on the other side of the globe. She was no longer my best friend, hell, I wasn't even sure I could classify her as a friend.

Wasn't that a damn shame. Didn't have many of those anymore.

Clearly, Lissa was done with the whole _happy-happy-joy-joy_ façade, because she shot to her feet and grabbed her daughter, shielding Little Rose away from me to protect her.

I didn't blame her.

"You can't stay locked up in this room forever, Rose." Lissa said. "You keep pushing everyone away, and eventually they'll get tired of trying to reach out to you. Frankly, I'm at my wits end. Don't be surprised when you go looking for help and we all have our backs turned to you."

"Fuck. You."

"Wake up sooner rather than later, Rose, because we're all washing our hands of you." With that said, Lissa left with her daughter, shutting my bedroom door softly.

Fueled by rage and the hatred I carried for myself, I screamed and punched the wall over and over again, not registering the pain or the blood covering my knuckles or the destroyed drywall.

* * *

><p>Stepping out of the shower, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath full of steam before I went to my bedroom and opened the closet.<p>

I had to dress nice. Because today I was going to be visiting Ivan.

Pulling out a pair of dark gray slacks and a white button up shirt off their hangers, I set the clothes on the bed and quickly got dressed. After my boots were slipped on, I brushed my hair and pinned up the shoulder-length locks. A part of me missed my long tresses, but the other part shrugged and said: I really don't care.

I did care, however, when it came to Ivan. I had to look my best when I was seeing my son.

Downstairs in the kitchen, I grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge and my purse, then headed for the front door of my parents house. The one I'd lived in before moving to St. Augustine's all those years ago.

Something sharp and painful stabbed my chest. I winced and rubbed the skin over my heart.

"Hello, Rosemarie." Janine came down the stairs, her gaze trained on the floor.

It was nothing new. People rarely made eye contact with me anymore. I was used to it by now. Actually, it kind of made me feel more comfortable.

"Mom." I nodded tightly as I opened the door.

"Going somewhere, Kiz?" Abe leaned over the railings, staring down at me, or more precisely, the wall next to my head.

"Yeah. I'm going to see my son."

Abe's face pinched and Janine grimaced.

"All right, baby girl. Drive safe now."

"Will do." I headed down the driveway, got in my Honda, and stuck the keys in the ignition. The engine roared to life and I made a U turn, heading for route 22, then slid onto the highway.

Fifteen minutes later, I whipped my car in to a parking space and stepped out of the vehicle, clutching the bunch of cherry blossoms in my hand. Taking a deep _I-can-do-this _breath, I forced my feet to start walking across the small parking lot and path up the grass.

I stared down at the tombstone.

_Remembering a tiny angel_

_Ivan Mason Belikov_

The inscription was simple, just the way I had wanted it to be.

"Hi, baby boy. Mommy's here." My fingers brushed the smooth rock over the words _Ivan_ and _remembering._

As I sat down in front of the small grave, I thought of the time that I had lost my son in the hospital.

_The pain in my stomach was indescribable. It would have hurt less had someone hammered nails into my skin. There was blood between my legs, lot's of it. No matter how many times the nurses came in and changed the pads, the blood would continue to gush out. _

_My eyes were swollen from crying so much, and my throat was raw and burning from the sobs, but I forced the tears back for a moment because I had to. _

"_I can't believe we lost him." Dimitri murmured, sitting in the chair beside the hospital bed. The scratches and black eye were still visible, but healing. His skin was pale, his lips white, sweat blooming all over his flesh. He looked worse than the walking dead. In that moment, he was gone. A stranger to me. Nothing but an empty shell._

_I looked away, not able to take anymore. I knew it was my fault, but did he really have to make it that obvious? During the time I had been kidnapped, I hadn't miscarried because of Tasha or Robert, I had miscarried because I'd gone into shock. That much stress on me and the baby and…it had killed him._

_If only I could have stayed strong, Ivan would still be in my belly, safe and warm.  
><em>

_"It's okay, Ivan may be gone...but we can try again." I said hoarsely. "You know…have another baby. Everything's going to be all right."_

_Dimitri's dark eyes averted to the ground and my chest twisted in dread._

_The doctor's voice was void of emotion as he spoke, telling me I wasn't going to like what he had to say. "Do you remember much of what happened during the time of your kidnapping, Rosemarie?"_

_I shook my head. "The police already asked me that. And I told them no. My memory is all black, like someone put a blank in it. I only remember waking a few times, in this dark room, and then I'd pass out again." _

_The doctor nodded. "That's all?"_

"_Well, I, uh," I croaked. "I remember when Dimitri came in and he…he killed Tasha and Robert."_

_The tears began to fall again, until it was hard for me to speak. I flinched when Dimitri touched my back, but relaxed a second later when he started rubbing circles._

"_Do you remember being in any pain?" The doctor asked._

_Again, I shook my head. "Like I said, it's all black. It almost feels like a dream, you know, like it never happened. But I know it did." It was so strange to glance down at my belly and see it flat, as if I hadn't been pregnant. _

"_Do you know what a hysterectomy is, Rosemarie?"_

"_Is that what happened to me?" _

_The doctor's face was grim, showing far more than words ever could._

"_Why would Tasha do this to me? What did I do to her?" My stomach curled, not from the contracting of my muscles, but because I was going to be sick. "Does this mean I can't have children anymore?...Ever?"_

_Nobody said anything. The room went deadly silent until all I could hear was the buzzing in my ears. _

_My body lurched forward and I vomited repeatedly._

I rubbed my flat belly. It was still so unusual. I missed my swollen stomach. I missed the heavy feeling of Ivan in my womb. I missed feeling the kicks when Dimitri spoke to our son in his native language.

Now it was only me. All alone.

Fate and Destiny really had it out for me, didn't they. Whenever I'd get even a sliver of happiness, they'd rip it apart and shred it to pieces.

I fingered the cross on my neck. At least I still had hope and faith somewhere.

Leaning forward and laying the flowers on the grass, I pressed a kiss to Ivan's headstone and stared at it for a long moment, then climbed to my feet. "I love you, baby boy. Mommy will see you next week."

"Rose?"

My whole body went rigid at the sound of his deep voice. It had been months since the last time I had seen him.

Gathering all of my courage and strength, I turned around and stared at the man that I had once loved with all my heart.

Dimitri stood there, dressed in a black sweater, jeans, and his signature brown duster. His brown hair was tied at the nape of his neck, a few strands escaping and blowing in his eyes from the wind. He was still the most handsome man I had ever seen, but the tragedies and devastating losses he'd suffered had really took a toll on him. The hard lines in his face aged him about five years.

"Hi." What else was I supposed to say?

We'd never had the official break up, but then again, when you don't speak to each other for nearly a year, that makes the separation pretty damn clear. Especially since I'd had Lissa give him back the engagement ring right after Ivan's memorial.

A yellow rose was in his palm. "So, you're here to see Ivan too?" I asked.

Dimitri nodded. "I come everyday to visit our son."

There were heavy moments of silence, where I just got lost in his eyes, the familiarity of the dark brown color, all the memories we'd created, and the precious moments we'd shared.

"Yeah, well, I should go." I cleared my throat. "I have a doctor's appointment I gotta get to. Um, I guess I'll see ya around." Without another glance, I walked past him and booked it for my car.

"Rose." Dimitri called out.

Grimacing, I turned around, brushing a few locks of hair out of my eyes. "Yeah?"

"It wasn't your fault. Do you understand? Not. Your. Fault."

"I have to go." I scrambled in the Honda, shoved the keys into the ignition, and sped off as fast as I could.

* * *

><p><strong>*Takes cover* Please don't hate me! I still love you all!<strong>


	7. Chapter 6: Broken, not Ruined

**RPOV:**

"How do you feel about what happened?" The shrink, aka Dr. Deirdre asked, pen and notepad up and ready to write.

"How do you think I feel?" I responded with a good dose of attitude, staring at the blinding-white ceiling, picking at my thumb nails anxiously.

"I want you to tell me."

A stretch of silence spilled between us. "Like my heart and brain have been through a meat grinder. That answer your question? Because, I gotta be honest, Shrink, I didn't study for this test."

"Call me Deirdre," she said. Her slender hands were elegant as she wrote, her nails the perfect length, so pretty and painted the palest shade of pink. "This is no laughing matter, Rose—"

"Wait a minute, Doc…the voices in my head keep interrupting you." I paused for emphasis "Okay, sorry. They've stopped. Please continue."

"You do realize that I charge you for this visit whether you talk or not? Your father is paying for this. It would be a shame to waste his money."

"Now the voices are angry at you."

"I just want to help you, Rosemarie. I'm looking out for your best interests." Deirdre said, voice frustrated and slightly breathless. "You've come to see me for the past three months, and you've hardly uttered a single word. I have no choice but to—"

"You're not helping." I said in a sing song voice, playing air guitar to ease some of my boredom.

Oh, that comment pissed her off.

Twenty minutes later, I was in my Honda and on the way back to my parents house, having been kicked out of Deirdre's office and receiving a letter of suggestion to be temporarily locked in an asylum because I was "A danger to myself and others."

Rolling down the window, I laughed, balled up the paper, and tossed it out onto the highway. "_Adios!_"

* * *

><p>"What the <em>fuck<em> is this?" Abe growled, leaning over the second story railing.

I squinted to see what was clutched in his hand, kicking the front door shut behind me. "A puppy? Oh, gee, daddy! You shouldn't have."

"Get up here. _Now._"

Despite the fact that I was really aching to get to my bedroom and lock the door and seek out comfort in being alone to my thoughts, I listened to my father and hopped up the stairs, following his tall form into my bathroom.

Although his back was facing me and I was unable to read his expression, I knew he was a little more than pissed off. The rage and energy radiating off him seemingly made the temperature in the small room drop a good twenty degrees.

"What is it?" I demanded, growing inpatient. "I have things I gotta do—"

Abe turned around, and in his palm, was a razor. There was dried blood around the edges from the last time I had used it and passed out on the tile floor, forgetting to wipe off the blade before I laid down and watched my skin leak heavy crimson from the deep slits I had inflicted upon myself.

"Care to explain, darling?" My father may have been smiling like a kid who'd just earned a lollipop from the dentist after getting an A+ on a checkup, but the dark tone of his voice suggested that he wanted to knock all of my teeth out. With a hammer.

Didn't blame him. Not in the slightest. Frequently, I had those kinds of homicidal urges towards myself, too.

"You know exactly what it is." I crossed my arms. There was a time in my life where I would have at least attempted to cough up a half believable lie or give a rat's ass about the consequences of my actions, but not anymore. Abe, drug and mob lord, who busted knee caps and blew up vehicles all the time in his risky business, didn't scare me…at all. I was no longer afraid of his wrath.

Matter of fact, there wasn't a whole lot of things that frightened me these days.

"So you're saying that you're not using this to shave your legs or trim down a womanly bush?"

I stared at him.

"Jesus Christ. Shit. Motherfucker. Damn it." After a few more interesting swear words were tossed around, Abe exhaled long and slow, pinched the bridge of his nose, and looked up, meeting my eyes.

The next words he spoke were like getting sucker punched: totally unexpected, breathtaking, and it pissed you the hell off.

"Get out of my house."

"Are you serious?"

"Does it look as if I'm joking?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

I gasped when Abe reached forward and grabbed my wrist, studying the fine lines that marred my skin. "I cannot believe you've resorted to cutting yourself. These scars…they make me sick to my stomach. Watching my daughter live in misery is making me physically ill."

"I'm fine."

"I won't see this anymore. I won't watch you slowly kill yourself. I can't take it. Your mother and I can't do this anymore. We just...don't know what to do. And frankly, I'm at the end of my ropes, Rose."

The slight twist of my lips was a sad smile. "So you're just giving up on me?" When he opened his mouth to talk, I silenced him by cutting the air with a slash of my hand. "No. Please. I've heard you loud and clear. S'all good. I'm used to people giving up on me. Doesn't hurt as much anymore."

With a heavy heart and an aching chest, I ordered my feet to move and went to my room. After taking one last look into Abe's sorrow yet resolved dark eyes, I softly closed the door and headed for my closet, dragging out a duffel bag.

I wasn't angry at Abe. He had had every right to do what he did. The only question was why he hadn't kicked me out of the house sooner.

The only person I was upset with was myself. If only things had been different…

As I packed up the few belongings needed, I couldn't help but think of the first time Dimitri had tried to reach out to me.

_I closed my bedroom door and looked around. In spite of the fact that everything was familiar—the purple quilt, the multi-colored rhinestone nightlight, the shells I had collected during my childhood stacked neatly on the mahogany shelves—it didn't feel like home anymore. _

_Not that that was a surprise. I didn't feel as if I belonged anywhere anymore. Or with anyone. Not since Ivan's death. That had changed everything. My world had shattered apart. My life would never be the same. My heart was crushed and constantly aching in my chest._

_Sighing and biting my quivering bottom lip, I went and set the last box down on the mattress. _

_On habit, my hand went down to rub circles on my swollen belly._

_All it felt was a flat plane. _

_No baby in there. No more kicks. No wonderful heavy weight in my abdomen. No aching lower back or sore feet or full bladder._

_Funny, I used to complain all the time, but now that they were gone, I would have killed to have those minor pains back._

_After the box was unpacked and everything was put away, I tossed the empty piece of cardboard out in to the hallway, shut the door and turned off the light, then slid under the covers, hiking them up to my neck._

_I must have fallen asleep quickly, because when I dreamed it was of Ivan._

_And Tasha._

_This nightmare was all too familiar. But no matter how many times I had the reoccurring vision, it always had me waking up screaming and frightened as hell._

_This time was no different. _

"Look at him!" I put my hand to my mouth in awe. "He's standing all by himself."

Dimitri wrapped his arms around me from behind, my body becoming engulfed in his large, safe, and warm haven. I was in heaven when he started placing kisses up my neck, his nose nuzzling my hair and skin.

"Go, baby boy!" I cheered, breaking from my husband and kneeling down. "Come to mamma! You can do it!" I opened my arms, encouraging him to take his first steps.

Ivan giggled and bounced up and down on his feet, using the edge of the coffee table to support his weight. When a few strands of his curly brown hair fell into his dark brown eyes—ones he'd inherited from his father—he blew air up in frustration, getting annoyed with the unruly locks.

"Come on, son," Dimitri's voice was so deep. "Go to your mother. She's waiting for you."

Ivan beamed at his father. Then, obviously wanting to make his papa proud, resumed a determined expression and released his death grip on the table.

I could only stare in wonder as our son slowly and uncertainly put one chubby foot in front of the other, wobbling towards us with the biggest smile on his face, flashing his eight small pearly whites.

Beside me, Dimitri was so quiet and still as he stared out our son take his first steps. The expression on his face stole my breath away. I had never seen anything so intense, so…

Happy and proud.

"You're doing it, Ivan!" I shouted, clapping my hands. "You're almost there. Just one more step—"

Suddenly, everything changed. When I blinked, all around me had gone dark, as if someone had shut off all the lights and closed the blinds.

Dimitri was gone.

But Ivan was there.

And so were Tasha and Robert.

Before I could do anything about it, Tasha scooped up my son and brought him over to Robert. Victor's brother just stood there, arms crossed, watching us.

I tried to reach for Ivan. Tried with everything in me. But no matter how much I tried to get closer to them, I would only get farther, like invisible hands were holding me down and pulling me back.

Ivan's cries filled the small black room, his piercing screams full of terror and pleas for help.

And I couldn't do a damn thing to save him.

What kind of mother was I if I couldn't protect my son?

"Why?" That one word held all the power of the world. It was the question I had always wanted to ask Tasha.

"Because you took my life away from me," she said. A silver light flashed in the dark. "So I will take yours away from you."

The knife came down on Ivan. I closed my eyes, but heard it slide across his small neck.

Everything went silent.

The cries of an infant stopped.

The screams.

The breathing.

A blade shoved into my stomach. And as I cried out in agony, I knew that I was never going to be able to have children again. I wasn't sure how I knew that, I just did.

_My lids flew open. A gasp of air sucked into my lungs._

_As I caught my breath, I couldn't help but notice that I hadn't screamed or thrashed when I woke up. I always panicked right after the nightmare._

_But strangely, I didn't feel scared. At all._

_And that's when I realized I wasn't alone in bed._

_Snapping on the lamp, I looked down and a little noise escaped my mouth._

_Dimitri was there. His large arms wrapped around my body. Bottomless eyes open and sharp, watching me cautiously, as if he wasn't sure what I might do next. _

"_What are you doing here?" I boomed, rocket launching off the bed. _

_Dimitri sat up, his massive body dwarfing my room. He didn't say anything. Just stared at me. _

"_Get out!" _

"_Why?" his voice was perfectly calm and collected. Totally at odds with my hysteria. _

"_Because I don't want you here," I said, wrapping my arms around myself. _

"_Let me do that," his gaze followed the movement. "Let me comfort you. Let me hold you. I _need_ to hold you." _

_My back hit the wall, trying to get as far away from him as possible. My lungs were painfully tight, breath going in and out raggedly. Why did I suddenly feel so claustrophobic? That stare of his made me feel naked, though I was clothed._

"_Please. Get out. I don't want you here." I croaked. "I can't see you."_

_Without warning, Dimitri was off the mattress and up in my face. His incredibly tall form towered over me, trapping me in the corner. "You think I don't hurt?"_

_I squeezed my eyes shut, the tears and sobs unrelenting and vicious._

"_You think you're the only one who misses and yearns for Ivan? You think you're the only one who can't sleep at night? You think you're the only one who wishes to change the past?" his voice rose with each word until he was shouting. "Newsflash, baby, you're not. My pain is as great as yours is. My body aches for the loss of our son. I get the shakes just thinking about him."_

_My vision was blurry as I stared up at him, but there was no mistaking his expression. "Why are you doing this?" I asked. _

"_Because I need you," Dimitri brought my palm up to his cheek, leaned in to my touch, closed his lids. "Because I love you. And, and…I don't want to go on without you."_

_I ripped out of his hold. "Leave. Now. I want you out."_

_He just stood there._

"_Please, Dimitri. Everything hurts…and I can't deal with this right now. I just…just…give me time to think. I need time to think about stuff." _

"_If time is what you want, then I will give it to you." Shockingly, he opened the door. Dimitri turned around and looked me straight in the eyes. "Just know that I will never give up on you. You ever need anything? Come and find me. I'll always be there." _

Snapping out of the past, I shook my head and took a deep breath. Dimitri was a man of his words. He never did give up. No matter how many times I shot him down the past year. But over time, he started to give me space, because he realized that was what I needed. Truthfully, I believed he was slowly and painfully throwing in the towel. He wasn't quitting, but everyone had their limits.

The only thing that made me feel better, no matter how selfish it was, is that I was positive he would always be there for me...whether we were lovers, friends, or nothing at all.

"_Ahem,_" Abe cleared his throat, hovering in the doorway. "You ready?"

"Yep." I slung the bag over my shoulder. "Good to go."

Downstairs, I went for the doorknob and glanced back, taking in my childhood home and father for what seemed like the last time. Abe's face would always haunt me, his expression _I've-made-up-my-mind-and-absolutely-nothing's-going-to-change-it._

"All right, I'm out." The sun spilled inside the house as I opened the oak. "Thanks for…everything. Yeah, everything."

Abe didn't say anything as I headed down the driveway and towards my Honda. It broke my heart because I knew once he shut that door, Janine and him were going to be relieved to have me gone and out of their lives.

Lissa had been right. Everyone was washing their hands of me. Most of them already had.

Inside the car, I banged my head against the steering wheel a few times in frustration. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"

Fifteen minutes later, I was able to pull myself together enough to start the vehicle and drive downtown to a rundown bar. I drunk myself in to a stupor there, wanting to forget the pain and feel numb…even if it was just for a little while.

Hours later, I didn't pay the bill or tip the bartender and stumbled out of the bar. I must have passed out on the street because I don't remember much of what happened after that.

* * *

><p><em><strong>1 month later…<strong>_

"Shit. Shit. Shit. _Shit!_" I booked it across Fourth Street and made a sharp turn down a dark alley where my Honda was parked. Pressing up against the old brick building, I went deadly silent and waited for the man in pursuit of me to pass.

Ten seconds later, the Shell clerk ran by, teeth bared, club clutched tightly in his fat hands. He was breathing heavily, and a moment later he stopped running completely. Leaning down, he braced his palms against his thick thighs.

I watched him from the shadows, praying that he wouldn't notice me. I resisted the urge to V8 my forehead. What was I thinking when I decided to attempt to rob that popular gas station? Of course the clerk would pull out a weapon. Especially after he discovered I'd been fibbing about carrying a loaded gun in my jacket pocket.

Marvelous! I was still out of cash. Not to mention my car was nearly on empty. I wonder if the clerk would be so kind as to kick down some free gasoline?

Probably not.

After a few moments of looking around and scanning the area, the Shell clerk shuffled back down Fourth Street and went inside the station.

Taking a breath of relief, I ran for my Honda and sped off.

Violet Mask was located in the roots of downtown. Not exactly the safest neighborhood, but a girl had to make cash somehow. The club was rundown, half of the purple neon sign was burnt out, inside, there was a working girl and a customer openly having sex in a booth in the corner, and at another one, two woman and a man snorting lines of cocaine off the table.

Business as usual. I hoped there was room to stick me in.

I found the club owner in his office, sitting behind his desk, hairy hands braced on the chair arms.

I was disgusted with the sight of the working girl on her knees before him, giving the boss a good one, causing him to make disgusting little sounds in the back of his throat.

Swallowing back the bile, I walked up to the two and pretended like the scene didn't bother me in the slightest. "Hey, Jim, how ya doing tonight?"

"Wonderful. Now, what do you want?" Evidently, he wanted me out of his office.

"You got any work for me tonight?"

"Nope."

"There's no spots open?"

"Not on a Monday night."

"Please Jim…_come on._ Anything. I'll take anything." That wasn't true. I had to cross the line somewhere. And stripping was most likely the lowest I'd go. Being broke made people desperate, and I was pretty goddamn desperate right now.

"You're not going to like it," The boss closed his eyes and leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head. The working girl…well, continued to work hard.

"Give me what you got."

"Janitor called in sick an hour ago. Said he had the stomach flu or some shit. I need someone to take up the spot for him."

"I'll take it. Thanks!" I zoomed out of the office and headed for the supply closet.

* * *

><p>Later that night, I found little happiness as I handed over my hard earned twenty-five dollars and sixty-five cents to the man standing behind the counter. As he took the bills and change, his eyes passed over me from behind tortoise-shell glasses. His stare was too shrewd for my liking, and I resisted the urge to punch him in the face.<p>

"Room number one-oh-eight. Checkout time is eleven." He handed me the room key, careful not to brush his fingers with my own, as if he were afraid to catch some contagious disease.

"Thanks. A lot." With the tone I was using, it was as good as telling him to fuck off.

Back in the room, I tried to hide my disgust and pretend that everything was okay.

But it wasn't.

The bed appeared as if it hadn't been changed in years. The tub had three roaches in it. The water was brown. The air was stale and smelled like mold and old urine.

Basically, it made you want to lock yourself in a giant plastic bubble to escape all the filth.

In spite of all that, I peeled off my clothes and headed for a shower. The spray was boiling hot and I quickly washed my hair and body with the offered cheap bars of soap and small bottles of shampoo/conditioner. It was relieving to wash in private, because I was so used to going down to the lake and bathing there.

* * *

><p>It was three AM and I was balling my eyes out. Only hours away from checkout and having to go live back in my car until I could cough up enough cash to get a motel room again, I was beginning to have a panic attack.<p>

The dollar bills were clutched so tightly in my hand that my knuckles were turning white. It was all I had left. I'd pawned all of my jewelry except the gold chain around my neck with the heavy emerald pendant that Dimitri had given me for Christmas years ago. I wasn't about to touch that. Would die before I ever even thought of selling or parting with that prized possession.

Do you know how degrading it is to have a measly two dollars in your pocket? To your name? It was the most awful feeling. You were no one. _I_ was no one.

It was times like this where I missed living at home with my parents. People often took the simplest things for granted, like having a roof over your head or a meal in your belly or a peaceful night of sleep. God, I missed my old life so much.

My stomach rumbled. The empty ache once again telling me that I was starving and hadn't eaten anything the past two days.

What could I buy with two dollars?

Answer: Absolutely nothing. Every penny was gas money.

Walking over to the window, I opened the drapes and peered outside. The 24 hour red neon light sign blinked from the diner across the street. Before I knew what I was doing, I'd run out the motel room and headed inside the dingy restaurant.

* * *

><p>"Can I get a few more packages of these Premium's?"<p>

The middle-aged waitress didn't bother hiding her annoyance as she stalked over and dropped four packs on the table. "There."

"Thanks." I desperately tore in and shoved the food into my mouth. After the crackers were cleared, I munched on a dozen packets of Splenda, creamers, and downed glass after glass of ice water.

My total bill? Zero dollars and zero cents. Which is what I could afford.

"Are you going to order anything?" The waitress asked, hand on hip.

I picked up the menu. "Oh, yeah. Definitely. Just give me a few more moments. I haven't decided yet." I lied.

God, what had my life come down to? Sure, I'd never expected to be a billionaire, but I hadn't seen being homeless and starving in my future either. Or dining and dashing, for that matter.

After she left grumbling, I stuffed some Splenda's into my jeans and stood up, ready to split—

Only to shoot right back down in to the booth.

Dimitri walked passed the diners doors, went straight to the counter, and ordered a black coffee.

"Fuck me sideways," I muttered, hiding behind the menu. How the hell was I going to get out without him noticing me? And more importantly, what was he doing here?

Destiny was a cruel bitch, because in that moment, my phone decided to ring. A text from Lissa: _Where are you? Really worried. Please talk to me. We all miss you. L. _

Dimitri, having heard that cheery tone, stared over his shoulder and…

_Badda Bing. _

His eyes landed on me.

I ran for the door, only to have Dimitri step right in my path of desperate escape. "Where are you going?" he asked. Unlike me, he seemed entirely unsurprised that he'd run in to his ex lover at three AM at a diner in a not so safe neighborhood downtown.

That was too coincidental, if you asked me.

"Was just leaving. It's good to see you. Now…if you don't mind." I tried to pass by him, but he dodged each of my attempts. Going left when I went left. Right when I went right. My movements were awkward, but his were determined and with purpose.

"Sit down. Don't let me run you out of this lovely restaurant."

"Nah. S'all good. I already ate."

Dimitri glanced back at my table and arched a dark brow when he found it empty. "Really?"

"Yup."

"You're a terrible liar, Roza."

"Don't call me that." I snapped. It was just cruel to hear that nickname leave his lips. He'd used it so many times when we were together, but the word held so much value. I could still hear the way it rolled off his tongue as he made love, naked skin against naked skin, moving together, bodies anchored so deeply together…

My body flushed with heat as I took in his army uniform. The second-skin black t-shirt. Olive-green camouflage pants. Combat boots. The General hadn't bothered changing after work.

"What would you rather have me call you?" Dimitri voice held a taunting and mocking note to it. "A liar? A quitter? A deceiver? The list is endless, really."

"Screw you."

"Please. Go ahead. I could use a good lay. It's been a long while since we fucked." I gasped at his crude words, my anger boiling to the maximum in my veins, threatening to explode at any second. I raised my hand, ready to clap it against his cheek so hard it snapped his head back.

But then his eyes traveled up and down my body, and he cursed nastily in Russian. "Jesus Christ. You have lost so much weight. When is the last time you've had a full belly?"

For some unknown reason, I found myself speaking the truth. "I honestly can't remember. I just had some crackers and sugar, but…it wasn't very filling. I'm still hungry."

"Sit down." Surprisingly, his hand was gentle on my forearm as he led me to a new booth. I let him, drained of energy and the will to argue.

Once Dimitri made sure I was comfortable in my seat, he slid in on the opposite side, obviously wanting to give me my space but making sure that I didn't bolt from the diner.

I couldn't ignore the feeling of sparks shooting throughout my body as his leg brushed my mine for the shortest moment.

The waitress strolled over, notepad and pen pointed at me. "Hey, what happened? You can't just switch booths like that—Oh, hello." she stopped abruptly as she took in the bowl of eye candy that was my ex fiancé, her dull blue eyes flashing with intense lust.

"Hi," her voice came out as a purr. "My name is April…"

The waitress's words faded as I met the dark stare of Dimitri. The past slammed in to me like a fist to my jaw, knocking me back with the memories of the time we'd had together. Overwhelming, was the only word I could use to describe it.

As he ordered food and spoke with the waitress, he kept his eyes on me the whole time, in spite of the fact that his words were directed at April. The waitress, obviously displeased with not having his full attention, turned towards me with an ugly expression. "What would…your _sister_ like?"

I snorted, ready to shoot off my seat like rockets were lit on my ass and bitch slap her across her caked-on makeup face.

"She's my date," Dimitri said automatically, tossing water over fire. "What would you like, Love?"

I shot him a glare. "I don't want anything."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"I think you're hungry."

"And I think you need to shut the hell up."

"Come back in a moment. Please." he told the waitress, who obliged with a sharp bob of her head.

Leaning forward, he braced his strong forearms against the table and studied my face. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I…can't eat."

"Why not?"

"Because…I don't have enough money to pay for it." I tried so hard to keep myself from crying.

It didn't work.

Like the loser I was, I broke down totally and wept so hard. In front of Dimitri, the waitresses, and customers nearby. I was no doubt horrifying Dimitri with my weakness. But I couldn't control myself.

God, I was such a pansy.

Except…Dimitri didn't seem to mind.

After staring at me for a moment longer, he waved April over and ordered two plates of manicotti, a side salad with extra ranch, and a Shirley Temple with four cherries. He told the waitress it was my favorite food. And he was absolutely right.

By the time the food came, I had calmed down and managed to stop crying, though my breathing was still heavy and my eyes ached. The manicotti smelled delicious, and my stomach hurt so badly with starvation that I wanted to start balling all over again.

I refused the offering. "I can't pay for it."

"Eat." Dimitri all but forced the meal down my throat. And watched me the entire time as I ate like a wild animal, not bothering with forks or knifes of napkins. After I'd licked the plate clean, he ordered me a cheeseburger with fries and then a slice of banana split cake.

I devoured every last bite. The full feeling in my stomach was the most glorious thing in the world.

"I'm sorry," I murmured as he paid the bill, more embarrassed than I'd ever been in my life. What he must think of me. "I was just…so hungry. Thank you…very much."

Dimitri smiled. The most magnificent twist of his full lips. That one thing lighting up his hard yet handsome face.

My God, he was so beautiful that it took my breath away.

And reminded me of the past.

The past that I wanted to escape and get far away from.

"I have to go," Without warning, I scooted out of the booth, slammed open the diner's doors, and ran across the street.

The pounding of pursuing footsteps only drove me to push my legs harder.

Bursting into the motel room, I slammed the heavy door shut and frantically went for the chain—

The door flung open. "What is wrong with you?" Dimitri stepped inside, eyes black and wild with rage.

"Thank you for the food, but I want you to stay away from me." I backed up until the fold of my knees hit the bed and I bounced back on the mattress. As I cursed and punched the pillow, my ex fiancé advanced, his expression indescribable.

"This ends tonight," he said. "I've tried to be patient with you. Tried to give you your space. Let you heal. But this…it can't go on anymore. I'd rather have you hate me than watch you die."

Unexpectedly, he launched forward and violently pinned me down on the bed, covering my body with his incredible weight.

I struggled to get away from him, using all of my strength to push him off. But, in spite of the fact that I'd eaten and felt much stronger than I had in a long time, I wasn't able to move him. Not even an inch. I'd have better luck giving a tractor a piggy back ride.

"Who kidnapped you, Rose?" he demanded.

I bared my teeth, growling like a savage. "Get off of me...or I swear...I'll call the cops and have you arrested for assault and attempted rape!"

"Answer my question!" Dimitri pinned my hands above my head. "Who kidnapped you?"

"Tasha and Robert!"

"Who drugged and tortured you?"

"Tasha and Robert…"

"Who took away your gift to conceive our children?"

"Tasha..."

"Who took Ivan away from us?"

"Tasha and Robert."

"Is your name in any of those answers?"

I was crying now. Viciously crying. My whole body shaking with sobs. "Not...it's not."

"Exactly, Roza," Dimitri released my wrists and rested his warm palm on my cheek. "It's not your fault. None of this is your fault."

Staring into his bottomless eyes, I found nothing but love and truth, and knew he meant every word he'd said.

It wasn't my fault.

Overcome with emotion, I did the only thing I needed to do.

I leaned up and pressed my lips to his.


	8. Chapter 7: Wake me up

**DISCLAIMER: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy.**

* * *

><p>Dimitri's mouth was just as I had remembered—familiar, soft, and warm. As soon as the kiss deepened, so did the electricity passing through us. It was like an explosion had been set off in my body. All I knew was that I needed Dimitri. He was my soul purpose.<p>

My mind was in a numb haze, and before I knew what was happening, his shirt had disappeared, then mine. My bra was next, and the rest of our clothes followed, landing in piles on the floor.

As I was naked and fully exposed to him, I felt so confident. Which was shocking, considering I hated it when people on the street looked at my body with distaste.

Dimitri was so gentle with me the entire time we made love, and the feelings and emotions were just as strong as the first time when he'd taken my virginity. There was a burning intensity in his dark eyes as they roamed over my moving body underneath him...like I was the most beautiful girl in the world to him, no matter if my ribs showed and my hips bones stuck out from my skin. For some incredibly unfathomable reason, he still desired me.

With each thrust and careful caress and kiss, he chipped away at my walls, breaking them down brick by brick, until there was nothing left but debris and floating dust in the air.

Afterwards, I clung to his naked body as if my life depended on it. Then, with a low and shaky voice, said the only thing I could, "Thank you and I'm sorry." Those words held the power of the world because I meant them with every fiber of my being.

"It wasn't your fault—"

"I'm not talking about Ivan," I rested my head in the crook of his shoulder, laying my cheek against his side so I could hear his steady heartbeat. "I'm saying sorry to you. For everything bad I've done to you in the past year. Giving up on you. Pushing you away. Telling you that I no longer loved you. It was all a lie. And although I know that one lifetime won't be nearly long enough to make it up to you, I want to spend every day of the rest of my life trying."

There was a long stretch of silence, then he leaned down and captured my lips. "I forgive you."

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and whispered, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you forgive me? I don't deserve it—"

"I. Forgive. You." he said sternly. "Simple as that. You don't need to know the details. The only thing you need to know is that you are forgiven."

"Thank you," My voice cracked with emotion, and I cleared my throat harshly in attempt to keep it under control. "Thank you. I couldn't stand the thought of you hating me forever."

"Oh, Roza," he traced the angles of my face, touch light as a feather. "I could never hate you. You are the person I care most about, more than myself and my family. You could do all kinds of horrible things…but nothing in this world could ever make me hate you."

There wasn't anything I could say back to that. Words couldn't even begin to describe the extent of my gratitude. So, I did the only thing I could to express how thankful I was. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, squeezed my eyes shut, and fell asleep in his blanket of warmness and absolute security. It was more than I could ask for and way more than I ever deserved, but I snoozed like a baby, finally finding my true self and only exit out of my hellhole.

I was free.

* * *

><p>"Thanks," I smiled as Dimitri handed me his black sweater. I quickly tugged it over my head and indulged in the softness.<p>

"May I take you to breakfast?" he asked, sitting on the disheveled motel bed. There was something on his face that I couldn't describe, something intense, like he wanted to say so much more but was holding himself back from crossing the line or stepping into dangerous, unwelcome territory.

"Actually, I was hoping you'd come with me somewhere."

"Where?"

"You'll see," I grabbed his hand. The strength and size of it was outstanding, and so heartbreakingly familiar. "Come with me. Please."

He stood up and followed me.

Outside, the wind was blistering and strong enough to make your eyes water and sting. It was early September and the first signs of fall shown in the mid-fifties temperature and naked trees. As we walked down the road and turned left on Bailey Street, heading for Memory Gardens Cemetery, the multi-colored leaves crunched under our shoes in brilliant bursts of reds, oranges, and yellows.

For some ridiculous reason, I giggled and broke away from Dimitri, running to a small puddle of rain a few feet ahead. "It's so beautiful out today!" I kicked the water with my sneaker, sending an explosion of droplets of crystal clear liquid across the sidewalk.

Next, I ran to a through the grass, dropped down, and scooped up a pile of fallen leaves. Still laughing, I threw them up in the air as I twirled around, loving the sight and feel and smell of them drifting down all around me in their vibrant colors.

When I looked back at Dimitri, I found that he'd stop and was watching me with a warm smile.

"That was the most fun I've had in so long!" I ran back to him and grabbed his hand.

Minutes later, we'd made it to Memory Gardens.

I stared down at the words on Ivan's small headstone,

_Remembering a tiny angel_

_Ivan Mason Belikov_

"You know," I whispered. "I've only ever been here alone."

It was true. I had never been there with anyone else, let alone Dimitri, my passed child's father. It was such a strangely heart wrenching yet moving moment.

He wrapped his body around me from behind, palms going to rest on my flat stomach. God, that crisp aftershave...it was intoxicating.

"I miss him."

He hugged me tighter. "Me too. More than anything in this world."

We didn't say much after that, but then again, words weren't necessary, silence was.

It wasn't my fault. Those words were pounding in my brain over and over again until it was hard to concentrate on anything else. And that's when I realized they were the truth.

_It wasn't my fault. _

It was like a switch had been turned on. A surge of something close to lighting struck me in the chest and shattered my whole world apart. The force of the realization and emotion threw me in the sky as if I had been shot out of the barrel of a gun.

Why had it taken me so long to understand this?

Life as I knew it was different. Everything was different. And it had taken me long enough to wake up and understand that fact.

I'd been so wrong. Moping and sobbing around, letting my health decline, allowing myself to die, or ultimately committing suicide wasn't going to bring Ivan back. And though I loved my baby boy more than I loved myself, I needed to move on. Not forget him, but move on.

It was time to make Ivan's spirit proud, by being the mom he would want me to be and the loving partner to Dimitri, his daddy.

As crazy as it sounded, it was like light was being shed from above, spilling into my soul, ridding it of all the awful darkness. Ivan was smiling down on me from heaven, telling me he was okay and happy where he was.

That was the final steel boot-to-ass kick back into reality.

I dropped to my knees on the grave and fisted my fingers in the grass, balling like a baby. These tears were different though…they were of acceptance, not sadness, as the thousands of others I'd shed had been.

In the past year, I had ruined so many lives, crushed so many hearts and hopes, done wrong by so many people. It was time I did right by the ones that meant so much to me.

* * *

><p><em>Welcome to<em>

_ST. AUGUSTINE MILITARY ACADEMY_

Those bold words were like a stinging slap to my face, and I struggled to keep control. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my inhaler and shakily brought the plastic lips to my mouth.

The very last time I had been here I'd been knocked unconscious with a bat and kidnapped by Tasha and Victor's brother, Robert.

"It's okay," Dimitri whispered as we walked, smart enough to keep his distance. "Nothing is going to hurt you here. You're safe."

Nodding, I said, "I know."

Sixteen minutes later, we were where I wanted to be.

"Would you like me to give you a moment alone?" Dimitri asked.

I shook my head. "Stay. Please."

He went to knock on the door—

"No!" I shouted. "Sorry. It's just…I need to do this on my own. To reassure myself that it's real."

Wordlessly, he stepped back and folded his arms.

Lifting my fist, I struck the wood four times with knuckles I couldn't feel.

"You're a bigger baby than your daughter is! Just change the diaper. Don't forget the powder, she's got a little rash on her bottom." The oak flew open.

Lissa blinked a couple of times, like she couldn't believe what she was seeing was real.

And stopped moving completely.

"Hi." I waved shyly. Had she gotten more beautiful? Was that even possible? Apparently, it was. Dressed in pale jeans and a simple yellow turtle neck, she was the glowing woman mothers killed to be after giving birth.

"Rose?" her voice cracked. "What are you doing here?"

Tears welled up in my eyes, burning them, and I quickly wiped away the blurriness, not wanting to miss the angel in front of me. The one I used to have the honor of calling my best friend.

There were only three words I could say.

And they were, "I'm so sorry."

We just stared at each other for the longest time, not moving, barely even breathing.

The deafening silence was broken with one of Lissa's soft sobs. She hunched down into herself, clutching her stomach and wiping her nose with the back of her sleeve.

"Oh, God, Rose." she sniffled.

Then she straightened her shoulders, cried out, and ran into my arms, all but tackling me to the ground.

"You're back!" Lissa hugged me so hard, and I hugged her back even harder.

The two of us balled our eyes out as we clutched each other desperately and mumbled incoherent things like mental patients. As the rest of the world faded away, blurring all around us, a heavy load was lifted off my shoulders, and I no longer felt like my collarbones were going to crush.

We probably looked like a team of crazies, but I didn't give a damn. Lissa was all that mattered to me in that moment, even if her makeup was running and her eyes and cheeks were black like a raccoons and she was smearing her mascara all over my skin and sweater.

"I'm so sorry, Rose!" her voice was hysterical. "I should never have talked to you the way I did. I thought, maybe if I scared you, it would help and you'd be back to normal. That was so wrong of me. Can you ever forgive me?"

I socked her in the arm. "Shut the hell up, you dumb ass! Don't talk like that!" There was absolutely nothing she needed to be apologetic for. She'd been trying to help. It wasn't her fault. It was absolutely and infinitely mine.

Distantly, I heard someone yell, "Oh, _pewf!_ Nasty baby—Ahh!. I got _it_ on my finger. Baby doo doo!" There was the sound of feet smacking across carpet, then running water being turned on and off. More feet sounds. "Sweet Jesus, Rosie. Don't give me the quivering lip. You know I'll break—Oh, God. Okay. Fine. Your mommy is going to be mad at me, but here's your cracker anyways."

A loud coughing and spitting noise. "Oh, you _so_ did that on purpose! You're outrageous."

The door opened, and Christian came out, cradling his daughter in his arms. There was baby powder sprinkled all over his hair and face and mouth.

There was a moment of silence.

Lissa and I broke out in laughter. Well, it was a mixture of laughter and crying, both emotions were fueled with hysteria.

Abruptly, Little Rose—or Rosie, as Christian apparently liked to call her—spotted me and her face went beet-red, and the waterworks were in full flow. She reached her small, chubby arms towards me, pleading with me to pick her up.

I could only gasp and step back, clutching one hand to my racing heart.

Lissa glanced back at her husband and their daughter. "Take her back inside, babe. Put her in her crib—"

"Can I hold her?"

All of their faces, including Dimitri's and Rosie's, turned to stone, their eyes flaring with shock.

"A-a-a are you sure?" Christian stuttered—something he never did.

"If you'll let me," I said unsurely. "I promise not to drop her."

"We know that. And we trust you with her beyond the shadow of a doubt." Lissa beamed, face positively radiant. "Let me properly introduce you to your niece, Rose."

Lissa reached over to Christian and they transferred weight, putting their daughter in her mother's arms. The infant's wails were louder now, as if she were demanding attention her parents couldn't provide her with and was tired of being ignored.

Lissa held her daughter out to me. "Rose meet Rose. Rosie is what we call her, careful not to get the two of you mixed up—"

"Yeah, because the resemblance is startling," Christian said, then threw his head back and laughed at his own joke.

"Anyways," Lissa rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "This is Aunty Rose, baby. She wants to hold you."

I was afraid that the infant would cringe away from me, cling to her mother like her life depended on it just so she wouldn't have to touch me, or scream when she got near me, but Rosie all but leaped out of Lissa's arms and into my own.

"Hi, Aun-eeee Ro Ro." Rosie cooed, staring up at me with ice-blue eyes she'd inherited from her father.

I just stood there as rigid and stiff as a boulder, not even bothering with the whole natural breathe-in-and-out routine. Feeling filthy and unworthy of touching Rosie's perfect and clean skin, I rubbed my hand on the outside of my jeans and shakily brought it to her cheek.

My, God…"She's got the softest skin in the world, doesn't she?" Christian voiced my thoughts with a smirk. Oh yeah, he was bragging about his daughter. I would be too.

"Sometimes…" he continued. "I just want to get some barbeque sauce and cover her in it and then,"—he brought his hands up to his mouth, bobbed his head up and down vigorously, as if her were munching on corn—_"Nom! Nom! Nom! Nom!"_

Vaguely, I was aware of them all staring at me with wonder on their faces and love in their hearts.

"She likes me," I announced, glancing back at Dimitri. "She really likes me!"

"Of course she does," was all he said.

As I stroked Rosie's cheek, she opened her mouth in the biggest grin ever, giggled, and leaned forward, placing sloppy, adorable kisses all over my face.

"Hey, Rosie," Christian came forward and whispered something in her ear.

The giggle that came for the infant melted your heart on the spot. "Eye eeem! _Eye keem!_" she clapped her hands together.

"What did she say?" I asked, upset with myself. If only I had been the aunt I should have been from the start, I would have understood her baby language by now. But no, I was as good as any stranger on the street.

Damn it. With an inward curse, I promised myself I would make it up to my niece. The two of us were going to be having so much fun and bonding time her little head was going to be spinning with delight.

"I'll tell you if you tell her no,"

My brows went up. "Okay,"

"She wants ice cream," Christian said, then looked at his daughter. "Ask Aunty Rose again. She didn't hear you."

"Eye keem! Eye _keeeem!"_

Oh, God. I swallowed hard. "No, honey. You can't have any before dinner."

Rosie's bottom lip trembled, quaked, eyes sparkled with fresh tears.

My heart broke into a million pieces and my control shattered apart. "Sweet Jesus! Give this kid all the ice cream she wants! Heck, Dimitri make arrangements for two dump trucks to deliver a billion buckets of Rocky Road. I don't care. Just make sure she never does The Lip again! I won't stand for it."

_"Bahahaha!"_ Rosie giggled, pointing at my face. She looked around with a dazzling grin, accepting praise for her amazing acting skills.

"Oh, boy. You little terd!" I bounced her tiny body up and down on my hip. "I love you."

"I have a feeling those two are going to get along fantastically." Christian muttered.

* * *

><p>It was a week and a half later when I finally mustered up enough courage to do what I had to do. Holding the slightly melted, half-eaten M&amp;M McFlurry in my hand, I walked through the apartment and set the ice cream down on the table.<p>

Dimitri lifted his eyes from the western novel he was reading. "Hi, my Love." He offered a smile, the special one he gave only to me. "How was her birthday party?"

"Awesome," My voice was breathless from anxiety. I took my seat, rubbing my sweaty palms together. "Rosie and I threw cupcakes at this little boy that pushed her into the ball pool. Waste of treats, but so worth getting him back for the way he treated my niece, especially on her first b-day—God, is it hot in here or what?"

He arched a brow and took a sip from his steaming mug. "Something wrong?"

"No, no. Nothing at all." I said. "Hey! Look at that McFlurry. It looks awfully lonely. You should eat it. _Fast!_"

Brow still cocked, he palmed the plastic spoon and took a bite of ice cream.

Leaning forward, I waited anxiously, most likely looking a little more than crazy with my bulging eyes. "Well, go ahead. Don't eat like a Nancy. Hurry up!"

Two minutes later, he frowned and pulled something off his tongue. "What's this…_paper?_" Sticking his fingers in the cup, he searched around and drug out the orange Post it note I had buried inside.

Dimitri squinted, reading the words I had written with a Sharpie:

_MARRY ME, COMRADE?_


	9. Chapter 9: Glue you back together

Dimitri smiled, shook his head, and set the soggy Post it note down on the table. "No."

"No?" My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. "But...why not? Oh, God...there's someone else, isn't there?"

"What are you talking about?"

"We were apart for so long. I gave you back the ring. And after all this time passed, you grew tired of waiting for me. I got so skinny and ugly. No doubt you found another gorgeous woman and fell in love with her and don't want me anymore-"

"Roza," he interrupted gently as he got down on his knees before me and grabbed my hands. "My beautiful Roza. When will you ever realize that you are the only one for me?"

I bit my trembling lip as he reached behind and retrieved something out of his pocket. "Will you give me the incredible honor of becoming my future wife?" Dimitri opened his palm. Settled perfectly against his tan skin, was the diamond ring.

"Are you a freeking idiot?" I punched him. Hard. "Of course I'll marry you! You didn't even have to ask!"

Our lips smashed together. The amount of passion coming off in waves from him and the bliss and happiness coming from within me had me responding to him just as greedily. I wrapped my legs and arms around him as he slid his hands to my waist and not so carefully brought us to our bedroom. I felt more alive than I had in what seemed like forever.

Tossing me on the mattress, Dimitri didn't waste any time in tearing his clothes off. When he was in all his naked glory, there was only one thing I could say.

"You sexy savage beast, you." I purred. "Come here..."

The bed dipped down as it absorbed his tremendous weight. I eagerly parted my thighs and welcomed his large body, wrapping my arms around him and kissing him until I couldn't breathe.

"I missed you. It feels like I'm learning your body all over again. But your scent is so familiar to me...warm vanilla cookies." Dimitri's warm breath tickled my neck as he nuzzled my skin, leaving torturous bites here and there. "God, you are so beautiful to me. You take my breath away."

I thought of the clothes I was wearing: A raggedy old T-shirt with a Kool-Aid stain, faded jeans with holes, and mismatched socks. And it wasn't as if my face made up for my lack of style. I wasn't wearing any makeup. My hair was tossed brutally in a ponytail. And although I had gained five pounds back in the last week, my bones still stuck out of my skin here and there.

"I don't know why you think I'm pretty," I whispered truthfully. "I don't look anything like I used to."

"You make it sound as if I'm comparing and sizing you up." Dimitri slowly tugged the shirt over my head and placed kisses along my chest. "You want to know why you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me? Because you are _you. _People change, Roza. They go through tough times and grow older. You won't ever be that same girl you were when you first came to the academy, and I'm not just talking looks wise, so stop wishing you would be like I know you are right now."

"I just wish I could be prettier for you," I said. "And I know that sounds really insecure and unconfident, but that's how I feel and I'm being honest with you. I don't deserve you."

"You could not be more wrong about that, baby," Dimitri murmured.

I gasped when he pulled the cups of my bra down and suckled one of my pale-pink tips into his warm and wet mouth until it turned a brilliant red.

"I'm going to show you just how beautiful you truly are." Dimitri said, his smile full of promises.

* * *

><p>The next morning, I knocked gently on the door. "Hi, Mrs. Smith."<p>

The professor lifted her eyes to look up at me from behind square glasses. Her stare was too shrewd for my liking and I bit my tongue to keep from saying something I would later regret.

"Ah, Miss Hathaway. What a pleasant surprise." she closed the text book she was reading and stood up. "What do I owe this pleasure."

The classroom was empty, and as I walked in and took my usual seat in the front—or at least, what used to be my seat—I felt those judgmental hazel eyes follow me and burn a hole in my face.

Mustering up confidence and courage, I decided not to beat around the bush and just come right out and say what I had to. "I want to come back to class and finish getting my degree."

"Ah," Mrs. Smith walked slowly around the desk and leaned her hip against it, long and lean arms crossed over her chest. "I thought that was what you might say." With a slow exhale, she removed her glasses and met my level stare. "I'm just afraid that's not possible."

"What?" My voice came out as a shout, and I worked quickly to regain my control. "What do you mean that's not possible?"

"You left my class over a year ago, Miss Hathaway. Do not forget that."

I scoffed and waved my arms. "Yeah, but you teach the same lessons every year, don't you? I mean, come on, not that much has changed in biology."

"That is not the point," The professor paced back and forth with her arms behind her in that annoying way she always did when scolding a student. "The point is, no matter how great of a student you were, you're not equipped to reenter my class and pretend like you've never left-"

"Well, gee, I didn't mean to inconvenience you with my kidnapping, Mrs. Smith. If it ever happens again, I'll be sure to tell my captor not to take me because it would piss off my biology teacher. Who knows, maybe the "please don't kill me!" and "somebody help me's!" just didn't cut it for them. Thanks a lot, you frickin' vulture."

Grabbing my bag and tossing it over my shoulder, I stalked out of the-

"Miss Hathaway," The professor's voice was slightly amused and mildly annoyed. "You frickin' hothead, you didn't let me finish."

Clenching my jaw until my molars burned from the amount of pressure, I spun around to face my biology professor. "What is it?"

* * *

><p>I skipped all the way to Lissa's apartment, happiness and disbelief soaring in my veins. I couldn't believe Mrs. Smith had let me off the hook like that. After checking to see how much I had remembered from her classes, which was pretty much everything, she'd agreed to tutor me on every weekend until I was up to speed with the rest of the class. Once I was caught up to their level, she promised she would stick me back in regular classes as long as I promised to work my hardest.<p>

_Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam._

I banged on Lissa and Christian's apartment.

"Coming!" Christian called out. Thirty seconds later, he opened the door and I burst out laughing. He had a sunny-yellow apron and oven mittens on. There was a whisk in his left hand, covered with chocolate batter.

"Who are you...Betty Crocker?"

"No," he winked. "But I do bake better than her."

"You wish." I scoffed, and sauntered inside.

"Auntee Ro Ro!" Rosie bounced up and down in her playpen, clapping her tiny hands together and squealing in excitement the instant she saw me.

"Oh, boy." Christian muttered. "I just got her settled down for a nap. Now she'll never go back to sleep."

"Hi, honey!" I ran over and scooped her up, then twirled her carefully in the air as I held her to my chest. "I missed you."

Rosie beamed up at me, flashing eight dazzling small teeth.

"Man," Christian murmured to himself, just standing there, oven mittens crossed over his chest. "My kid is good looking."

"Yeah, I'd have to agree with you on that one." I ran my fingers through her unruly platinum-blond curls. "Thank God she took after her mother."

To my utter surprise, he simply smiled. "Yeah, thank God. My girls are beautiful."

With that, he went back into the kitchen to bake. As I bounced the infant on my hip, Rosie reached up and grabbed the emerald pendant dangling from my neck. Her forehead scrunched as she studied the sparkling gem with fascination.

"Pretty, huh?" I smiled. "Uncle Dimitri gave it to me for Christmas."

Rosie's head snapped up at the mention of my fiancé's name.

"Uncle Deemeetee?"

I laughed at her pronunciation. For being twelve months old, she talked pretty good for her age. But it was words like that that tickled my fancy.

"Yes, Uncle Dimitri. Do you remember him-"

She bobbed her head up and down before I had finished the question, then she started to squirm in my arms and make a high-pitched waling noise. It wasn't quite a cry, but it was a very unusual sound for a baby.

"She wants something!" Christian called out from the kitchen. "Don't tell me you took her cracker away from her and ate it!"

I walked down the hallway. "I think she wants to go see Dimitri."

"Well, take her then. If you want to." Lissa's husband licked the remaining chocolate off the whisk and tossed it in the sink.

"You would let me do that? Take her?...Alone?"

He arched a black brow. "Are you crazy? Of course we would. Lissa and I trust you more than anyone in this world with our daughter." he put two cupcake trays in the oven. "Besides, you're her Godmother, after all."

My heart skipped a beat in my chest. "What did you say?"

"Christian!" Lissa hissed, coming into the kitchen. She was dressed in a fabulous shimmering royal-blue gown and her blond hair was curled to perfection. Black, low heels dangled from her hand, as if she wanted to wait until the last possible minute to put the uncomfortable footwear on.

Lissa pegged me with apologetic eyes. "Sorry. Uh, it was supposed to be a surprise, but Christian kind of spoiled it, didn't he-"

"Sorry, babe."

"It's not a big deal," she said. "We were only going to ask if you and Dimitri wanted to be her Godparents. And only if you accepted our, um, offer...then you would be her Godmother. Sorry. I didn't mean to make this awkward for you and put you on the spot like this."

"Are you kidding me?" I socked her in the shoulder. Something I'd been doing a lot lately. "Sign me up!"

She rubbed the sore spot and beamed. "Really?"

I scoffed. "Heck yes!" I gazed down at Rosie, who was playing patty cake with the back of my hand and tracing the lines of my necklace. "Wow. Thank you guys. This is such an honor."

Lissa smiled as she walked around the island and went to give her husband a hug. She rested against his side and he draped an arm around her slim waist. Bending down, he placed a lingering, adoring kiss against her lips. The words, "I love you" went unspoken, but not unknown. The love and happiness and joy in their eyes spoke wonders.

"I know this may be hard to believe," Christian cleared his throat awkwardly and stared down at his shoes. "But, uh...I want to say thanks, Rose."

"Yes," Lissa nodded. "We wouldn't have anyone else but you and Dimitri taking care of our daught-why are you not in your suit?" she stared at her husbands jeans and T-shirt with incredulity.

"I was making cupcakes."

"You need to go get dressed now!" she pointed to the stairs like a scolding mother telling her child he was grounded. "We're going to be late! And, oh, my God. Rosie's not even dressed. What have you been doing the last hour and a half while I've been getting ready?"

Christian's feet shuffled towards their bedroom. "Baking cupcakes."

My grin stretched from ear to ear. "Where are you guys going?"

"My parents twenty-third anniversary," she said as frantically ripped clothes from Rosie's closet in her nursery.

"Ah, gotta love the Barbie version of the Adam's family. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're taking Rosie?"

Lissa shrugged. "Yeah. Why?"

"Well, um," I stared down at the infant in my arms, not wanting to part with her just yet. "Rosie wants to see Dimitri and I was going to ask you if that was okay. But, never mind. This is way more important-"

Lissa squealed so loudly, both Rosie and I cringed.

"You'll baby-sit her for me?"

Slowly, hesitantly, I nodded. "Yeah..."

"Oh, my God. You are a saint!" My best friend kissed both of my cheeks. "I love my daughter dearly. But it would be nice for Christian and I to spend a little time together alone, even if it's just for the few minutes we get on the way to my parents house."

"Here. How about this?" I said. "You pack little Rosie here a diaper bag with a change of clothes and Pj's, and I'll take her off of your hands for the night and bring her back in the morning."

Lissa and Rosie both squealed, and my best friend did a little happy dance before crushing me in one of her signature run-and-tackle-bear hugs.

* * *

><p>After Lissa was done packing a diaper bag and bundling Rosie up in sneakers, jeans, a onesie with the words: My Aunt Rocks, and a pink jacket with a cross bone skull on the back, she gave us both kisses and hugs and we were off.<p>

"Are you cold?" I asked as we walked home. God, the infant smelled good. Lavender and Johnson's baby shampoo. Yum. I just wanted to eat all of her cuteness up.

Rosie shook her head and laid her cheek against my shoulder. "Uncle Deemeetee?"

I laughed, my breath making little bursts of fog in the air. "Yes, he's home. Are you excited to see him?"

She bobbed her head up and down eagerly and I laughed again.

Minutes later, we'd arrived at mine and Dimitri's apartment. Walking inside, I was met with a warm blast of toasty air and wonderful smells wafting from the kitchen. As I shut and locked the door, I smiled as I thought how funny it was that Lissa and I always had our men in the kitchen cooking for us. Normally, it should have been the other way around.

"I'm home!" I said, walking into the kitchen.

Dimitri turned around, smiling. "And you're not alone," he said, spotting Rosie bouncing up and down on my hip.

"She's spending the night," I informed him. "And she misses her uncle."

Setting Rosie carefully on the ground, I gave her a kiss on her chubby cheek and watched as she crawled over to Dimitri and sat on his leather boots. "Uncle Deemeetee!" she cooed, tugging on his jeans, begging to be picked up.

Laughing at the awkward expression on his face, I said, "You can touch her. She won't bite."

Slowly, almost as if she had some contagious disease, he reached down, put his large hands under her armpits, and hoisted her up.

Rosie squealed excitedly and put both of her tiny, chubby hands on his face. Giggling, she leaned forward and kissed his nose. "Hiiiiiii!"

Rosie appeared like she was having the time of her life with her uncle, but Dimitri on the other hand, looked like he was getting a vasectomy.

"Relax a little, will ya, babe." I put my hand on his shoulder. "You're scaring the child."

"What do I do with her?" he asked tightly, whole body stiff as a boulder. "I don't want to drop her."

"You won't." I smiled at his worried expression. "Rosie's tougher than she looks. Just be natural. She already loves you."

Rosie made a little pleading noise and we both looked over at her. She waved her hand at me.

"You want me to hold you?" I asked.

"No." Rosie shook her head vigorously. "Come o'er here."

I did as she said. "What do you want, honey? Are you hungry? Uncle Dimitri's cooking us dinner—"

The infant reached out, grabbed the gold chain around my neck, and held the chunky emerald pendant out to Dimitri. There was a questioning and curious note to her ice-blue eyes.

"Yes," Abruptly, his lips lifted into the most beautiful, happy smile. "I gave that to your aunt. I wanted to show her how special she is to me..."

As Dimitri talked and Rosie mumbled along, firing out question after question, that smile remained on his face and he relaxed, cradling the tiny infant to his broad chest.

Smiling somewhat sadly at the fact that I would never be able to give him the gift of children and knowing what a shame that was because he'd be a wonderful father, I quietly exited the room, saying, "I'll let you two get acquainted."

Starting the shower, I waited for the spray to heat up as I peeled my clothes off and stared at my naked reflection in the mirror. Aside from the hickeys covering my neck, breasts, and the sensitive skin on my hip and inner thighs, my body was looking better. I'd gained nearly eight pounds since Dimitri started shoveling calorie-rich foods down my throat, and although bones were still visible and dark circles shown under my eyes, I was starting to feel beautiful once again.

The steam was thick and hot, indicating the shower was ready. Stepping in, I carefully set my feet on the tile and let the scorching water hit my back and spray down my legs. The aching muscles in my neck and lower back from my, _ahem_, activities with Dimitri last night eased and I instantly felt myself relaxing, which was something I desperately needed.

After shampooing my hair and running the Dove beauty bar all over my body, I made quick work of shaving my legs, then I hopped out and toweled off quickly. Once I'd thrown on a pair of old shorts and a comfy tank-top, I brushed my hair and ran downstairs, eager to spend sometime with my niece and fiancé.

"Aw," I grinned. "You got her to sleep."

Dimitri came over, cradling a snoozing Rosie in his arms. He was careful not to disturb her as he leaned down and kissed me.

"I was just putting her down," he whispered, walking over to the playpen. Placing one hand behind her neck and the other on her bottom, he slowly eased her away from his warm body and into an ocean of pink and yellow blankets. Rosie stirred and started to cry, but once Dimitri gently patted her back for a few moments, she was out like a light.

As her soft snoring noises filled the room and my fiancé rose to his full height, I asked, "How'd you do that?"

"Rubbed her feet together, in circles. Works like magic."

"I'll have to remember that when I want to sneak out of the apartment," I pointedly stared at his boots.

Chuckling, he came over and wrapped his arms around me. "That would never happen. I'd follow you wherever you go."

"I don't doubt that for a second. Hey, you wanna watch some Discovery channel? I recorded Planet Earth on the DVR—is something wrong?"

Dimitri stared into my eyes for the longest time before smiling a tight, slightly pained smile. "No. Come on. Let's watch your favorite show."

_Was he having second thoughts about proposing to me?_

I was about to argue, but he grabbed my palm, led me over to the couch, and pulled me down against his body. Placing kisses against my throat, he murmured things in his native Siberian tongue. For some strange reason, I didn't believe them to be words like, "I love you" and "you're so beautiful." My gut instinct told me that Dimitri was trying to distract me. That he was speaking…regretful and apologetic words in Russian.

My lids snapped open and I pushed against his chest. "Stop! Tell me what's wrong."

Dimitri looked at me, shook his head, and murmured, "Nothing." Then he tilted his neck and pressed his mouth to mine.

I didn't kiss him back, not even when his tongue darted in my mouth and he pulled my bottom lip between his teeth.

Something was off. Definitely wrong.

Ripping from his touch and scrambling to my feet, I kicked up my chin and raised both of my brows in that no-nonsense style. "I'm not stupid. I know you better than that. Now, tell me what's wrong or we can continue to play this ping-pong match. Because I sure as hell ain't going to stop until I know what's up with you. What's on your mind? Please…just let me know. I hate to be left in the dark."

"I want to tell you something, and I'm not sure how you're going to handle it." Dimitri was silent for the longest time, and I was two seconds away from screaming and pulling my hair out.

Finally, he said, "There's a chance that Ivan may still be alive."


	10. Chapter 10: What did you say?

**A/N:** Reading the reviews from the last chapter, I've come to the conculsion that most of you did **NOT** expect that little twist. I'm glad! :D Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and it helps clear up some of your confusion!

**Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy.**

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><p>"Ivan may still be alive."<p>

The words echoed in my head over and over again. My skull pounded. Wincing, I rubbed my temples, trying to magically make the migraine disappear. "What did you say?" I shook my head violently. "That's just not possible. _That's just not possible!_"

"Rose…" Dimitri's eyes grew sad. His expression was grim as he came towards me with open arms.

I held up my hand, stopping him from coming any closer. "Please. Just stay away. I need a second to think." After a few moments, I was able to catch my breath and get over the initial shock. I crossed my arms and met his eyes. "What in the world would ever make you think our son is alive?"

"I can explain." he said.

"Please do." Venom dripped from my words, but there was no way I was going to camouflage my bitterness. My fiancé was out of his mind. That was the only explanation I could summon up. He was a lunatic. Maybe he'd developed a mental illness while we'd been apart for a year.

When he first started talking, it was no surprise that I was the biggest skeptic. Unable to control myself, I just stared at him with the same amount of trust and faith you would have with a mental patient—absolutely none at all. But as more words came out of his mouth; my doubt chipped away piece by piece. There was nothing but honesty and pain in his eyes, and him being the man I trusted most in this world, I was positive he was speaking the truth.

But that didn't make the situation any easier to swallow and digest.

Dimitri explained that he'd received a FedEx envelope on his desk at work a little over a week ago. The date on the outside of the envelope was recent, but the date on the letter inside was just over a year old, around the exact time I'd been kidnapped by Tasha and Robert.

Apparently, keeping the secret from me had been eating him alive, because he hadn't been able to hold it within him any longer. For which I was extremely grateful for.

"The handwriting is Tasha's. I recognize it." Dimitri said, pulling the letter out of his back pocket.

"What does it say?" I asked, grabbing my tight throat and massaging it. The whole room seemed smaller, and it was getting harder and harder for me to pull any air into my lungs.

"It's simple, really." he said. "It lists Tasha's emergency cell number—"

I laughed acrimoniously. "So that's what made you think Ivan is still alive? This is all crap. For the smallest of seconds, my hopes were high, even though I know this is impossible. Can you believe that, Dimitri? You actually had me hopeful—"

"Take care of him for me." he read straight from the letter, and my heart dropped into my stomach.

"Tasha could be talking about anyone." I lied, trying to be realistic about our situation. But my gut instinct was screaming at me to stop being an idiot and wake up. "And by 'him', she could mean Robert." My head was spinning, and I briefly closed my eyes, having a hard time seeing straight from the otherworldly stabbing pains in my skull.

Dark brows rose. "Robert was Tasha's last concern. I know very well how her mind works. Her soul purpose was getting revenge on you."

The reason? For taking away her life and her one true love: Dimitri_. _"Why would she just put her number, then? Not an address or something like that?" I asked, shooting every ounce of uncertainty out there. Unfortunately, I was running out of bullets.

This just wasn't possible.

_Was it?_

"Just in case of emergencies," he said. "Or if something went wrong with..."

I cringed. If something had gone wrong when they kidnapped me. Psychopaths had to have back up plans too.

"Who sent this letter?"

Dimitri pursed his lips and stayed silent for the longest time.

"So help me God, I will cut off your balls and shove them so far down your throat if you don't start talking—"

"Tasha's mother. She's a patient at North Dakota's mental institution."

"Daughter like mother," I muttered.

"Actually, Marie was relatively normal before Tasha's death caused her to develop a severe mental illness. She was head of neonatal nurses at St. Vladimir's hospital for nearly thirty years."

Neonatal nurse. Tasha's mother was a damn neonatal nurse. "B-b-b but. No. It wouldn't work." My blood turned to ice, and I developed a vicious anger towards a woman I'd never met. "I was only six and a half months pregnant. Ivan would have never survived. He would have been far too premature."

"I know this may sound crazy—all of this is crazy—but, Marie specialized in the ICU. They called her a miracle savior. She was truly unbelievable in her work."

"Oh, my God," The pieces started to come together in my head. "Do you think Tasha gave Ivan over to her mother?"

"If this letter is real, then that would be my bet."

"Wait," I slammed the brakes on my hopes and the horrors of the situation. "There may be no body in his grave, but Ivan died in my womb at the hospital. There was no way Tasha could have taken our child unless…"

My head came up and I stared at Dimitri with a blazing anger in my chest. This all had to be a bad dream. God, please let this be a nightmare. Maybe if I was lucky, I'd wake up and forget all about it…

But I knew that wasn't the case here.

The flash in Dimitri's eyes told me he knew exactly what I'd just realized.

"You lied to me!" On impulse, I stalked up and slapped him hard. Raising my other hand, I hit his opposite check. He took the blows without trying to stop me or even flinching, because he knew he damn well deserved the pain.

"Okay," I inhaled shakily, trying to throw water over my burning rage. It didn't help much. Betrayal hurt the worst. Currently, I was filled to maximum with it. "I don't hate you, but my God, I want to kill you in the slowest, agonizing way."

"I understand." Dimitri dropped his head in shame.

"Do you?" I scoffed. "Do you really understand what I'm going through, Dimitri? Because I don't think you do. I just found out that my son that I've deemed dead for over a year might still be alive, and if he is, he's in the hands of my fiancé's psycho ass ex's mothers, who by the way, is completely insane herself. And to top it all off, I just found out that my future husband, the man I love and trust most on this planet, has been lying to me about how our unborn child met his destiny."

"I did it to protect you." My fiancé lifted his head and stared at me with hard eyes.

"I want the truth!"

"You couldn't have handled it."

This time when I went to slap him, he caught my wrist. He did the same with the other when I took a swing.

"Opposing to your believing me to be so weak, I _could _have handled it. You should have told me earlier! Not have the fucking doctor lie to me about Ivan dieing in my womb from the stress of my ordeal. Do you know that's the reason I blamed myself for his death? I thought he died inside of me!" I growled. "But now I'm just finding out that he was cut out of me."

"Be angry with me all you want, but I don't regret what I did. I know for a fact that if you'd found out what Tasha actually did to you, you wouldn't have come back from it. One person can only take so much before they go on overload. I could barely stand what had happened to Ivan myself."

My legs gave out and I fell down to the sofa. Every part of my body was shaking. It was like some horror movie, but real. I hadn't just been kidnapped, drugged, beaten, tortured…I'd been mutilated.

Thinking back to my nightmares, I realized that they held some meaning to them. Sure, I'd had vicious visions of Tasha killing my son and had been drifting in and out of unconsciousness the entire time, but I also dreamt of him being alive in her arms. Intuitively, I knew these were clips from my subconscious memory.

"Tasha's plans were most likely to..." Dimitri trailed off.

"For her and Robert to kill me off." Me being pregnant and all merely gave Tasha a bonus check. Robert had nothing to do with Ivan, he'd only wanted me dead so he could avenge his brother Victor's death.

My fiancé's face turned to stone. "Yes, and had I not dealt with them myself, Tasha would have checked in with her mother…and if Ivan survived—which is extremely unlikely considering how premature and undeveloped he was—he would have been brought to full health and have been released out of the ICU and into Maries custody."

"Marie would have done all of this for Tasha? No questions asked?"

"Marie loved her daughter very much. More than anything. So that should answer all of your doubts."

I nodded and rubbed my temples, suddenly feeling nauseous. "And after Marie took Ivan out of the hospital and handed him over to Tasha…"

The sentence didn't need to be finished to be understood. I shuddered at the possibilities. What would she have done with my son? Torture and kill him like she'd plan to do with me? Or worse, take him home and play mommy to him? Tell people Ivan was her and Dimitri's son? In her sick and twisted mind, she probably would have believed her own lie.

My fiancé came over and crouched before me. Slowly and gently he peeled my hands away from my head, set them in my lap, and stared into my eyes. "I'm not going to ask if you're okay, because I know that you're not. The only thing I do ask is that you do not get your hopes up. Because if you do and they get crushed, your whole world is going to come crashing down. And unlike the last time, you won't be able to barely escape it."

Gazing at those blazing brown eyes for the longest time, I nodded and felt my heart break a little. He was right. This could all be for nothing. There was a high possibly that Ivan was long gone. But no matter what, I wasn't going to stop until I knew for sure.

Mentally and physically exhausted, I laid my head on his shoulder and breathed in his heavenly scent. "I don't hate you."

There was a smile to his voice when he said, "I know." Dimitri lovingly ran his fingers through my hair and simply just held me when I needed the comfort most.

"But I don't regret slapping you."

"I know."

"And if I could turn back time, I wouldn't change a thing. I'd still hit you. Because you deserved it."

"I know, Roza. I so know."

We were silent for the longest time, when an idea suddenly popped into my head. "Let's go to Marie!"

My fiancé pulled back and just stared at me.

"Come on, Dimitri. Even if Ivan is dead and long gone, I want—no, _need_ answers. Please. I can't live the rest of my life wondering."

"She's in a mental asylum," He said it like it held the answer to everything in the world.

"Do you know the location?"

"Yes." he said tightly.

"Well, put on your crazy hat and let's go!"

"It's not as easy as you think it is," Dimitri's arms snapped out and encircled my waist when I grabbed the car keys and ran for the door. "First of all, don't forget about Rosie. She's still here. And second, the asylum is in North Dakota. Besides, there's no guarantee that they'll let us in because we're not family-"

"Say that you're her widow son-in-law and you need to get past to see her to express your deepest regrets for your beloved passed wife. It'll work."

He arched a brow. "That doesn't explain you."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," I said.

Dimitri stood there, body rigid. And although his eyes were guarded, I could tell he was starting to break. Now it was just time for me to bring out the sledge hammer and crush all of those inhibitions and barriers keeping me from getting what I wanted.

Female hysteria always worked. "Please, Dimitriiiiiiii!" I cried dramatically. "I just have to know if there's still a chance for Ivan—"

"Fine. By the way, you're a terrible actress." he released me. "And you woke up our niece."

Forty-five minutes later, after Dimitri had packed up everything we'd possibly need for our road trip and bundled me up, we were all but running to Lissa and Christian's apartment.

Dimitri held Rosie in his arms. In spite of the fact that he was doing his absolute best of cradling her safely to his body, she still bounced up and down like crazy with each of his long strides. She giggled and made a loud excited scream. "Horsey! Fun! Horsey! Fun!" she clapped her hands together.

We arrived at their place and I snatched the infant out of his arms and banged on the door. Waiting impatiently for them to answer, I covered Rosie's ears when I heard from inside the house, a very deafening pleasure filled cry from my best friend and a groan from her husband.

_Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!_ "Open up!"

The door flew open, and thank the lord, Rosie's face was buried in my jacket and hair.

Christian stood there naked, hands cupped over his package, sweat covering his pale skin, jet-black hair all messy. "What the hell is going on? Is something wrong? It's three o' clock in the morning!"

I screamed in horror. "Sorry. Something came up. Can no longer baby-sit." Running in the apartment, I set Rosie down on the plush carpet and instructed her to keep her eyes shut until her parents told her otherwise—

"My God, Lissa, you're naked and…are those handcuffs? Man, you two are kinky." I ran outside. "Hope you guys had a wonderful time at the anniversary dinner! Love you!"

Dimitri smiled and grabbed my hand. Together, we booked it back to the black SUV.

For better or for worse, we set off on the adventure of a lifetime.

* * *

><p>Dimitri pulled up to the gates and pressed his foot on the brake when four guards came up to each side of the windows and blinded us with their flashlights.<p>

My fiancé rolled down the window. "Good evening, sir."

"Visiting hours don't start until twelve." The man with the bald head and fuzzy white beard said gruffly. "You have to leave. Now. People like you don't belong around here."

Man, he was creepy. Matter of fact, this whole place gave me the jeebies.

"You'll have to make an exception for me. I'm here to see patient Marie Ozera." Dimitri flashed some kind of badge, which made all four guards immediately straighten up, lose their attitudes, and get identical looks of respect mingled with fear in their eyes.

"Of course, sir." Mr. Creepy said. "Peter! Open these gates right now!" he looked back inside the SUV. "Sorry for any inconvenience. Please, go right in. Ask for Lola at the front. She'll help you with whatever you need."

"Thank you." Dimitri offered a tight smile. "You all take it easy now."

As he drove up the long gravel road and past multiple barbwire fences, I turned to him with a stunned look. "What was all that about? Those guards all but shit their pants when they saw your badge."

"I have connections." was all he said.

Once Dimitri had parked the vehicle and gave me a long warning about not getting my hopes high and telling me this mission was most likely useless because Marie was not known to be a chatterbox and will probably not talk at all, he gave me a long, lingering kiss and exited the car.

"Stay put." he said, locking the doors, then disappearing into the ancient, gloomy building.

All of the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. It felt like venomous scorpions and snakes were crawling all over my skin. This whole mental asylum held the most sinister, active energy. There were a lot of disturbed souls locked up for life inside of there, and for a split second, I felt pity for Tasha's mother. No one should have to spend their life alone and unloved, let alone in a place like that.

That feeling quickly passed.

Three hours later—_FINALLY!_—Dimitri walked out of the building and jogged over to the SUV.

"What happened?" I asked as he slid inside the vehicle, then locked the doors and cranked up the heater. "Tell me everything!"

My fiancé handed me a piece of paper with an address hastily scribbled on it. I recognized the elegant handwriting as his.

"I talked with Marie," he said in a voice that chilled me to the bone. "She screamed and scratched and bit me. She proved to be very useless. If you're wondering what that is on the paper, the head of the asylum gave it to me. He wasn't supposed to, but I didn't really give him an option." Dimitri smiled slyly, and I wouldn't be surprised if the man he was talking about was beaten and bruised in his office right now.

My fiancé continued on, "He went through Marie's files at my request. Dug up some information—"

"Get to the point," I waved my hands impatiently.

"Turns out CPS came for a child at Marie's house a few weeks before she was diagnosed with a severe psychological illness. In her condition, she wasn't fit to be a guardian. The child, listed as a boy by the name of Conner, was neglected. Too skinny. Not fed. She never changed his diapers and he got really nasty rashes—" Dimitri's voice cracked with intense emotion. Regaining composure, he pointed to the note in my hand. "That address is an orphanage back in Montana. Conner lives there."

"So he hasn't been adopted yet?"

Dimitri shook his head, rubbing his ice-cold hands together. "No."

My throat tightened, and I spoke the words that burned my throat and stung my eyes, "Conner is...Ivan. Isn't he?"

"Yes, Conner is our son."


	11. Chapter 11: Ivan

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission. **

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><p><strong>RPOV:<strong>

Dimitri pulled the SUV into a parking space and cut the engine. Exhaling deeply, he turned to me and grabbed both of my hands. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked, clearly concerned.

My heart raced as I stared at the small orphanage that was located in a rural town in the woods of Montana, just a few hours away from St. Augustine's Military Academy. Oh, God. My son had been so close to me all this time, and I hadn't even had a clue. What kind of mother was I? Certainly not a good one.

"Yeah," I forced a brave smile and nodded. "I know I can do this. Everything could be worse, you know. Ivan could be dead. But he's not. I just have to keep reminding myself of that—it could be worse."

My fiance reached forward and gently tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "I wish you didn't have to think like that." he said.

Capturing Dimitri's palm, I turned my head and placed a loving kiss to his warm skin. "I'll be fine," I assured him. "Now, let's go get our son and bring him home where he belongs."

* * *

><p>Dimitri opened the glass doors for me and stood aside like the perfect gentleman. "Ladies first," he gave me his secret smile, the one he reserved only for me.<p>

"Since when did I become a lady?" In spite of the nausea twinging in my stomach and the cold sweat blooming over my skin, a genuine giggle escaped my lips and I managed to grin up at the love of my life.

He rolled his eyes and shut the door behind us.

Entering the building, I was met with a blast of fresh, cool, relieving air conditioning.

I went paralyzed on the spot, feeling absolutely overwhelmed by the whole situation. The walls seemed to be getting closer all around me, smashing me into the small room.

The claustrophobia and sheer panic eased when Dimitri slid an arm around my waist and pulled me against his side. He knew I needed this type of contact right now and he gladly gave it to me.

Together, we walked up to the desk and rang the little silver bell.

An elderly lady with frizzy red hair and an adorable cat sweater jogged over and took a seat. "Sorry about the wait," she said with the kindest smile. "My name is Jane. How may I help you?"

"I'm here to get my son back," I said bluntly.

Dimitri cleared his throat and resumed an intimidating, in-charge stance. It was amazing, really, seeing him radiate that kind of power. It reminded me of the days when he was my general and I constantly gave him hell.

"We're here to adopt Conner," My fiance's jaw clenched. Clearly, he wasn't happy about having to say those words. He wanted as bad as me to run back there, grab Ivan up, and take him away. For God sakes, we were his parents! We shouldn't have had to go through all this trouble.

The instant the name "Conner" left his lips, Jane's pale, leathery face dropped and morphed into a slightly fearful one. "Oh, right..." she finally said, shuffling papers around, like she wanted to avoid eye contact. "_Conner. _You want Conner."

I lunged forward and slapped my hands against the counter, making her jump. "Is something wrong with him?"

Bless her soul, but Jane looked on the verge of having a heart attack.

"Speak to me, damn it!" I boomed.

Dimitri didn't try to interfere, which proved he had half a brain. Instead, he gave a small smirk and leaned back, letting his woman take control.

"No, no. Conner is just fine. He's healthy." Jane said, flustered. "Well, physically speaking."

My whole world concisely stopped. "What do you mean?"

Jane leaned forward and shot a glance of paranoia over her shoulder, checking to make sure the room was indeed empty. "Conner...is a very _special_ boy." she whispered, like she was trying to keep control of a big secret. "He...oh, dear. How do I explain this in a way that you'll understand? That boy has got some issues."

My fiance's eyes blackened with anger. "What sorts of issues." Not a question. A demand.

"Gosh, golly! I'm not supposed to be disclosing this kind of information to the public. But...I trust you two to keep this private." Jane touched her cheek. "Conner has been one of the most difficult, troubled child this orphanage has ever seen. He doesn't get along with the other children. He has to be constantly isolated. He doesn't speak—not that that's a bad thing at his age, he's only fourteen months old, but still, it's concerning when he doesn't even utter a sound. He also has a violent tendency. Just last week, he bit another little girl named Melanie on the cheek, so hard, in fact, that we had to rush her to the emergency room."

No words could describe the sorrow I carried within me. I seriously wanted to die. This pain was too great. "When can we adopt him?" My loud voice made her flinch. I worked on taking it down a notch.

"Well, first you would have to fill this out," Jane handed me a packet that was thicker than a phone book. "That's the approval forum, which usually takes eight to twelve weeks to go through our system—some times longer if there's a problem with your information or our computers or something like that. Then, once we've thoroughly checked your criminal backgrounds and decided whether you're a worthy candidate for this adoption or not, you will receive a call and letter informing you of your acceptance of Conner—"

Dimitri cleared his throat harshly and smiled that menacing smile that made chills run up your spine. "See, Jane, with all due respect, that just isn't going to work."

As he went on to describe our situation in vivid, gruesome detail to Jane, I cringed and worked on differentiating the past from the present. As always, I had difficulty doing so.

I kept seeing a tiny, premature baby covered in blood being viciously and ruthlessly cut out of the safety of my womb by Tasha, then given into the arms of a stranger, her mother Marie, who also happened to be a neonatal nurse.

Numbly, I slipped a hand under my shirt and felt the jagged, vertical scar that went down the skin of my entire stomach. I had always believed it had been from the hysterectomy, but evidently, it might not have.

"Oh, dear," Jane said when Dimitri was done with the tale of our life story. The poor old lady had turned the color of a ghost, eyes horror stricken. I worried for her health, because she probably didn't receive these kind of shocks on a regular basis.

"We must call the police," she said breathlessly.

"I think that would be best." My fiance said, smiling tightly.

* * *

><p>The police officers finished taking our report and had identical looks of disbelief and wonder as they stared at me. They couldn't fathom what I'd been through and survived. Neither did I, really.<p>

Dimitri cleared his throat, obviously displeased with amount of male attention I was receiving. Draping an arm around my hip and pulling me flush against his side, I smiled smally at his possessiveness. If only he knew that no man could ever compare to him.

The dark-skinned officer spoke briefly into his radio as he stepped forward. "Trudy down at the station has confirmed the reports and calls made to nine-one-one over a year ago." he looked at me, and I expected to find pity on his face—after all, he now knew about Victor and Tasha and my mutilation and my son being hacked out of my stomach—but all I found was respect and utter sadness. "When would you like to meet your son?"

My eyes bulged. "What? I can...see him?"

The officer nodded. "Yes, you can. We just have to run a DNA test to confirm everything, and after seventy-two hours, we can immediately release Conner into your full custody."

"Ivan. His name is Ivan." I mumbled incoherently, eyes welling with tears. I looked at my fiance, seeing his blurry, towering outline. "He's ours, Dimitri. He's ours again!"

He leaned down, wrapped his arms around me, and hugged me like there was no tomorrow. "I know, Roza." he murmured. "I know."

Jane came out of the building, frail, pale hands clasped in front of her. "He's awoken from his nap. I can take you to his room, if you'd like to see him now."

A gasp escaped my mouth. I looked up to Dimitri, who stared at me for the longest time before giving a slight nod.

I smiled, grabbed his hand, and together we started to run. "What room is it, Jane?" I yelled as we nearly mowed her over to get to the door.

She yelped in surprised and jumped out of the way. "Uh. Room Seven. Second floor. Just go left after the stairs. His door's the second one."

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I grabbed her face and planted a big one right on her lips. "You're the best! I love you!"

I gave the officers the same treatment, and they seemed to enjoy it a little more than Jane did.

"Come on, Comrade." I did the whole grab-and-run thing with his arm again, pulling him up two flights of stairs. "Let's meet our son."

We stopped at the door with the big blue 7 on it. There was muffled crying coming from inside the room, and fear slammed into me like a train.

_He doesn't know I'm his mom._

_What if he doesn't like me?_

_What if he's scared of me?_

_What if he won't get anywhere near me?_

_What if he hates me for not finding him sooner?_

_What if I'm not a good mom?_

_What do I do when I see him?_

_What do I say?_

_Should I hug him? _

_Should I kiss him?_

_Would touching him be too much at first?_

A billion questions pounded in my head. My breathing picked up. I stared at Dimitri. "I don't want to go in there." I told him.

Something flashed in his chocolate-brown eyes. "Why?"

My bottom lip quivered, tears stung my eyes. "I'm scared." If I had ever spoken the truth, those two words were definitely it. I couldn't think of a better way to describe it. I was absolutely terrified. Not because of my son, but because of his reaction. I was a complete stranger to him.

"We don't have to do this now. Not if you're not ready." Dimitri lovingly ran his thumb over the back of my hand. His gaze was full of nothing but support and understanding. "I'm scared, too. Just as much as you are."

"You are?" I croaked, not bothering with wiping away the fallen tears that traveled down my cheeks and throat.

He nodded. "We'll only go in there if you're ready, Roza."

Doubt and unease twisted in my chest. "But...but what if he doesn't like me?"

"Then he doesn't." he said frankly. "This is to be natural, so let what is suppose to happen, happen. Okay?"

I nodded as he traced my cheek with his fingers. "Okay." I whispered, continuing to nod. "I want to go in there."

"Are you sure?"

I gave my signature Rose Hathaway _I-can-do-this_ smile. "Positive."

I reached forward and wrapped my fingers around the gold knob, took a deep breath, and twisted. The white painted door creaked open slowly, revealing a baby blue room with clouds painted on the walls, a single white crib, a dresser, hardwood floor, and a moon rug with a little fire truck toy on it.

The wailing got louder as I hesitantly entered the room and Dimitri closed the door to give us more privacy.

God, this is what it all came down to. This moment. It meant everything.

I followed the oddly familiar sound to the crib, where it was the loudest.

My heart skipped a beat.

Ivan was just like he had been in my dreams, absolutely identical, every feature. Unruly, ridiculously thick, curly hair. Dark, bottomless eyes. Button nose. Pouty lips.

"Oh, my God." I put a shaking hand to my mouth. "He's so beautiful."

Ivan's cries came to an abrupt stop the instant he saw me. Reaching up, he rubbed his red nose with his chubby fists, then he rubbed his eyes, like he wanted to make sure what he was seeing was real or not.

Ivan then did something that stunned me.

He outstretched his arms towards me and began to ball.

It was so natural for me to reach down and cradle his tiny body in my arms. I was suddenly overwhelmed by this maternal instinct and need I had to protect my son. If anyone even dared to hurt him, I would kill them. No questions asked. Because he belonged to me. He was mine.

"Hi, baby boy," I murmured, gently trailing my finger down his cheek. His skin was incredibly soft. "Don't worry. Mommy and daddy are here now. We'll protect you. You're safe." There was a smile on my face that absolutely no one could wipe off. I couldn't remember ever being this happy. Not in my whole life.

Ivan stared up at me with a kind of puzzled, wonder-filled expression. His brows crashed down in concentration as he wrapped his fingers around a lock of my hair and lightly tugged. A giggle bubbled out his mouth, exposing the most beautiful smile, and eight pearlie whites.

I made a weird sound, a mix of a hysterical laugh and cry. "Look at him, Dimitri! He's smiling! He's smiling!" I yelled victoriously.

A tear slid out of Dimitri's eye, he quickly wiped it away. In all the years I had known him, I'd only seen him cry one time. This was the second. It was such a rare thing, and strangely beautiful, because a man like Dimitri never showed his emotions. Apparently, he was on overload right now.

My fiance came forward. "May I hold him?"

My automatic response was to say no. I never wanted to let go of my son. But Dimitri was his father, and I trusted him with Ivan more than myself. I also needed to see what it looked to have Ivan in his arms. I don't know why, I just had to make sure all of this was real and not some cruel dream I was about to wake up from.

The sight of Ivan in his fathers arms was something that I'd ingrain in my brain and remember forever. Our son was so tiny cradled against Dimitri's body. As my fiance spoke loving words to Ivan in Russian, I scooted closer and rubbed his little feet that were covered by the cloth of his blue feety pajamas.

"He looks just like you," I smiled wistfully.

"Are you kidding?" Dimitri was careful not to squish Ivan between our bodies as he leaned down to pour all of his emotions into a lingering kiss he gave me. It took my breath away. "His face...all I see is you. And it makes me so incredibly happy. Look at this hair..."

I ran my fingers through it and laughed. "It is pretty ridiculous. He inherited the wicked Mazur hair."

Anger flared through my body, colder than ice yet hotter than fire at the same time. I didn't know who I was mad at, maybe myself, maybe Fate, maybe the whole universe, I wasn't sure. The only thing I knew was that Dimitri and I had lost so much time with Ivan. We'd missed those precious, crucial moments of our son growing up.

We would never get the luxury of having the normal family experience—the birth, bringing him home for the very first time, changing his diaper, getting up at three in the morning to feed and burp him, watching him learn to crawl—but we had him now, and I wasn't about to waste anymore valuable time I had with my son. From now on, I was going to treasure every moment I had with Ivan and Dimitri and make up for wasted time. Ivan wouldn't remember any of the things that happened to him, and I was going to make sure that the memories he would remember, would be the best.

There was a knock at the door. Our heads snapped over, and I could have sworn that I heard growls come from Dimitri's and my own mouth. My fiance turned his body and brought Ivan behind his back, shielding him, protecting him.

I guess you really didn't mess with Papa and Mamma bear.

Or Dimitri Belikov and Rose Hathaway, for that matter.

Jane peaked her head out. "Hi, uh, I'm sorry to interrupt, but the folks downstairs are here to take your DNA sample."

"Can we bring Ivan?" I asked.

"We're not leaving him alone." Dimitri added.

"Yeah," I said. "We're not leaving this room unless he comes with us."

Jane smiled kindly. "Of course, honey. You can bring him. He's your son."

Downstairs, I didn't even feel the pinching pain of the needle as the nurse drew blood from my arm. All of my attention was on Ivan, who was currently playing patty cake with the back of Dimitri's hand.

The police officer took the vial of blood the nurse handed him and dropped it in a bag, then he wrote a number and my name on it.

"You're up next," The nurse told Dimitri, snapping on a fresh pair of gloves.

We switched positions, swapping Ivan in our arms and sharing a not so quick kiss.

"_Ahem._" The nurse cleared her throat. The officers just grinned.

"I love you," My fiance gave me the smile that he reserved just for me. I felt a rush of heat between my legs and had to force myself to sit down.

"I love you, too." I said blissfully.

"Luvvvvv yewww."

All of our heads snapped down to Ivan. His voice was angelic, soft, so tiny you could hardly hear it.

Jane gasped and put her shaking hands to her mouth. Her eyes began to water. "My God."

It was the first word he'd ever spoken. I couldn't believe it, and clearly, no one else could either.

I smiled and brushed my fingers down his cheek. "You did it, baby boy."

* * *

><p>Three days later, while Dimitri and I were feeding Ivan in his room, Jane burst through the doors without warning. "The results are here!" She held up a manilla envelope. "Umm...I know it's confidential, but I kind of peaked."<p>

Dimitri and I jumped up.

"What did they say?" I ran over to her and grabbed the file.

"They came back positive! You can take him home! He's yours!" Jane screamed excitedly.

The dark-skinned officer politely knocked on the open door before entering the room. The first thing he did was grin victoriously at me, and I felt complete relief and out of this world happiness.

"You just have to sign a few documents," he said. "Then we can release him into your full custody."

* * *

><p><strong>1 month later...<strong>

"Look at him!" I put my hand to my mouth in awe. "He's standing all by himself."

Dimitri wrapped his arms around me from behind, my body becoming engulfed in his large, safe, and warm haven. I was in heaven when he started placing kisses up my neck, his nose nuzzling my hair and skin.

"Go, baby boy!" I cheered, breaking from my fiance and kneeling down. "Come to mamma! You can do it!" I opened my arms, encouraging him to take his first steps.

Ivan giggled and bounced up and down on his feet, using the edge of the coffee table to support his weight. When a few strands of his curly brown hair fell into his dark brown eyes—ones he'd inherited from his father—he blew air up in frustration, getting annoyed with the unruly locks.

"Come on, son," Dimitri's voice was so deep. "Go to your mother. She's waiting for you."

Ivan beamed at his father. Then, obviously wanting to make his papa proud, resumed a determined expression and released his death grip on the table.

I could only stare in wonder as our son slowly and uncertainly put one chubby foot in front of the other, wobbling towards us with the biggest smile on his face, flashing his eight small pearly whites.

Beside me, Dimitri was so quiet and still as he stared out Ivan take his first steps. The expression on his face stole my breath away. I had never seen anything so intense, so…

Happy and proud.

"You're doing it, Ivan!" I shouted, clapping my hands. "You're almost there. Just one more step!"

Our son leaped into my arms. I picked him up and twirled him around in the air. "You did it! You took your first steps!"


	12. Epilogue

**A/N:**

Hey, guys!

This is the last chapter! That means no more General Belikov. *sniffle* *sniffle* I had the ride of a life time writing both "A Blessing in Disguise" and "Open your Eyes", and I can honestly say that I'm happy with the way it turned out. Heartbreak and all. I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed and stuck with these stories. It's what keeps me writing!

Again, thank you all so much! I hope you enjoy the epilogue! :-)

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

**The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.**

* * *

><p><strong>1 year later...<strong>

Abe lifted the veil over my head and gently let it fall in place. "You ready, Kiz?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I think I am."

My father cracked a dazzling grin. "You're not getting cold feet, are you?"

I watched Rosie walk down the aisle in her ocean-blue gown. Like a perfect lady, she waved and smiled charmingly at everyone as she threw red rose petals on the floor.

"No." I said. "Just nervous, that's all. I'm all strung out and jittery. Had too much coffee this morning. Oh, God. I'm sweating too. Is there any pit stains on my dress? Shit. What if I fall?"

"Then I would hope the photographer would catch it. I'd frame it and hang it." Abe said. "Don't look at me like that. I'm kidding, Kiz. You could run away at any time. No one is stopping you."

My eyes bulged.

"Or I can just take care of your fiance for you. It's dark outside, and there's an alley out back. I got a club in my trunk—"

I hit him with the bunch of red roses in my hands. "Dad!"

Abe gave a belly chuckle. "I'm kidding, Kiz. I don't mean to be giving you a hard time. It's just, you know, hard to see you grow up so fast. You're getting married. You have a son. On the way here, I was listening to "Cats in the Cradle" on the radio, and I literally had to pull over because I started to ball like a baby. You should have seen the horrific look your mother gave me...felt like my balls got crushed and tucked away in her purse."

I tried to stifle my laugh, but failed and ended up laughing right in his face.

The piano started and I immediately straightened, feeling that panic return to my body. My heart raced as my father hooked his arm through mine.

"You look absolutely beautiful. I just wanna tell you more thing, Kiz..." Abe whispered in my ear.

"What is it?" I hissed.

"I couldn't be more proud to call you my daughter."

The doors opened and the instant I met Dimitri's dark eyes, all of my worry and doubt vanished.

As I walked down the aisle, I couldn't believe how far I'd come.

My maid of honor and best friend in the whole world, Lissa, who was _very_ pregnant, gave me an encouraging smile.

The best man, Christian, gave me a thumbs up.

Behind him, Adrian gave me two thumbs up and the biggest, cheekiest grin ever.

Sydney, his pregnant wife, snorted on the opposite side of the altar, next to Lissa.

I could only laugh.

My eyes landed on my son standing at the love of my life's feet, dressed in his small black suit. Ivan was such a beautiful two year old, the splitting image of Dimitri, it was unbelievable. He was also the best child I could ask for. He reminded me so much of his father, always so serious, diligently followed the rules and always did what was best.

Just last week, Ivan started going to work with his father. Dimitri even had a uniform made for him that matched his own, which was hilarious and absolutely heartwarming at the same time. My son definitely took his work seriously when he was on the job with Dimitri.

Ivan was a General in training, aspiring to be just like his father when he was older.

Abe released me with a kiss to my cheek. He took his seat next to Janine.

I grabbed Dimitri's hands and couldn't seem to look away from his hypnotizing gaze.

He leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "Your beauty takes my breath away."

My eyes watered.

I had never been more in love than I was in that moment. Finally, I had everything I could ever want and more. A loving family. Amazing friends. A child I loved more than life itself. And a man that brought me all the happiness in the world and desired me as much as I desired him.

Dimitri.

I had fought for him, lost him, and even given up on him. But at the end, we were meant to be together. Nothing and no one could break what we had worked so hard to build. I couldn't ask for a better ending to our story.

Being forced into the the Military academy by my parents all those years ago really had been a blessing in disguise.


	13. Chapter 13

Hey, guys! Long time no see. Haven't been here in a while & I've been writing again. Interested in hearing from me again? Possible sequels, new stories, updates, etc.? Review & let me know! I miss you guys!


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